Let me preface this post by saying, I think I'm in lub. The jury is still out, but everyone was uber nice. I'm sure it helps that my sister is the primary president in the ward and everyone thinks we're twins, even though I'm a primary virgin and I would have a stroke if I ever had a calling in the primary. KNOCK ON WOOD!
(Longest day of my life was when I substituted Sunbeams.)
The coolest thing about my new ward is the lighting on the stand. It was incredible. I know I would never have to get plastic surgery in this ward because the lighting on the stand is so flattering. I can't wait to speak in church because I know I'll look like a movie star at the pulpit. Seriously. And I'll sound like a rock star too because the sound system and the acoustics are that good.
The second coolest thing is the rock wall behind the stand. Visions of repelling off that wall dance in your head during Sacrament meeting, and you can make those visions a reality once Sunday school begins because not a creature is stirring in the hallways during meetings. You have the whole chapel to yourself.
But I finally discovered the one place that people are not fully dressed in Utah. Sacrament meeting. Don't get me wrong, they have plenty of clothes on, but nobody wears their smiles to sacrament meeting. In fact I was the only one smiling. And laughing, for that matter. People take their sacrament meeting very seriously here, but I couldn't stop laughing. I told my hub that they must pump laughing gas through the air vents because I was giggling like a little girl through the whole meeting.
My hub disagreed. He said they pump sleeping gas.
"Or lobotomy gas," I whispered before bursting into another fit of giggles.
"Ba dum bum," he said.
That's why I could never be a bishop. I wouldn't be able to master that stoic face on the stand if I was a bishop. I'd be busting a gut when the speakers said things like "you know you have the spirit if you feel like you're being suffocated by a pillow."
Can you see why I couldn't keep a straight face? Seriously! What if you feel the spirit really strong and really long? Would you kick the bucket from an overdose of the spirit?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I giggled again when the 2nd speaker stood up and said "My topic today is moving on with our lives."
Maybe it was her deadpan delivery that made me think she was joking, but then I realized her delivery had nothing to do with it, she was just deadpan. And moving on with our lives was just code for my topic today is faith.
Alls I know is that if I was given such a cool topic I would have done a lip sync to that Eagles song, GET OVER IT!
The funniest part of the meeting happened when the 3rd speaker stood up and said "Good Morning, brothers and sisters."
My daughter and I automatically, instantaneously and recklessly shouted out, "GOOD MORNING!"
Imagine our surprise when we realized that in Utah you don't talk back in church. In Hawaii when someone stands at the pulpit and greets you, it's not rhetorical. You are expected to speak when spoken to.
Half of our new ward got whiplash, bless their hearts, trying to give us stink eye.
But it was worth it. You know your daughter finally takes your blog seriously when she leans over and says, "You sooooo have to blog this."