Saturday, August 22, 2009

We're all in this together

Okay, so I grew up in Utah, but it wasn't until I moved back, after 20 plus years, that I finally get why they call it Happy Valley.

It's because everyone is so happy. All those statistics about depression in Utah must be propaganda because alls I see is smiles.

Big smiles.

Big bright smiles.

Big bright shiny smiles.

Utah is full of big bright shiny happy people holding hands.

They're not just happy either. They're funny too. Everyone's a comedian in Utah. Seriously, it's like being on the Donny and Marie show. The last thing they need is another Crash Test Dummy. But I think I could make a great sidekick---you know the one who says ba dum bumafter every joke. I say it all the time under my breath. I can't help myself. I think I'm just a natural born side kick.

And they're nice too. Even the gas pumps say Have a nice day!!!!

Yesterday the checker at Albertsons was talk-talk-talking my head off so I finally had to put my hand up and say, "Just tell me your name and I'll vote for you."

She was like, "huh?"

And I was like, "You've got my vote, just put a lid on it, would ya."

And she was like, "but I'm not running for any office."

And I was like, "Then why all the pleasantries? Just cut to the chase and ring me up already!"

Was that rude?

Utah is also so darn cute. And clever. Everything is downright darling. Especially the schools.

My kids started school this week. If you want to know what it's like to go to school in Utah just watch High School Musical. Fo' real, everyone is Disney adorable and they break into song all the time. My 5th graders even get to line up outside their classroom and do a cheer before school starts. And after my daughter's soccer games a whole bunch of bee-U-tiful teenagers stand on the sidelines and sing and dance about how they will love their school until they die.

That's a big commitment. I just hope they don't put that on a t-shirt because if there's one thing I've learned about life since this whole moving thing it's that school loyalties are easily broken.

The only thing about my kid's school that's NOT like High School Musical is the over population. The high school is so crowded in between classes that they actually call one of the halls The Birth Canal.

On the bright side, at least they're all in The Birth Canal together. (Together. Together Everyone.) (Well, everyone but Zach Efron.)

The only complaint from my kids about Utah schools is that they have too many rules--or, as they say in Utah, TONS of rules. In my twins 5th grade class they are only allowed to go to the bathroom three times a week.

I wish I had known you could put a quota on bodily functions when I was pregnant.

I wonder what will happen if they have to go to the bathroom, like, say, every single day. I wonder if they can get bathroom credit. Like if they only go twice one week, do you think they can carry the remaining bathroom pass over to the next week?

The schools are also very safe. After they go to the bathroom they are required to wash their hands for 1 minute and 30 seconds. I must confess, it's kinda comforting to know that my twins will be washing their hands for at least 4 and a half minutes a week.

I hear the classes are super hard too. Allow me to do an impression (in pidgin) of my 8th grader when I picked him up from his first day of Jr. High.

Ceramics is sooooooo hard! We have to make clay pots and stuff.

And English! Sooooo hard! We have to read a book! On our own!

And Keyboarding!! Did you know that keyboarding is typing? Why don't they just call it typing?

Apparently he thought he'd be playing computer games all period. Go figure!

On the upside, his U.S. History teacher lubs Jack Johnson so I'm going to somehow accidentally on purpose print up that photo of ME with JJ's arm wrapped around me and staple it to his first assignment. I might even include the one of JJ's BVD's for extra credit.

Hey, I do what it takes to get my kids by.

I have to say, one of the worst things about moving is watching your kids wander around the halls at school by themselves. But what really gets me is imagining them sitting alone at lunch, silent in a sea of chaos. There is something so forlorn about eating alone in front of people.

I was relieved when my twins came home yesterday and said they were making TONS of new friends. "That's how we roll," they said. And then one of them said there are four brown people at school and he has already made friends with one of them.

On an unrelated note, today is a special day, and not just because it's the day we get ready for Sunday. 1. We get the internet. 2. My hub arrives. 3. It's the one year anniversary of the Crash Test Dummy Diaries.

Moment of silence please.

Wouldn't it be cool if I got my 30,000th hit on my anniversary? I'm only 100 hits away.

I should totally give away $30,000 to my 30,000th hit, huh?

Remember when I gave away $1,000 to my 1,000th hit?

And I won.

That was so awesome. (Until my hub wouldn't let me give myself the money.)

Anyways, cheers to my first year. My last year in Hawaii.

Thanks for sharing it with me. You peeps have no idea how much all of your support and encouragement--especially through this move--has helped me. (I honestly couldn't have done it without you.)

So glad we're all in this together (except Zach Efron).

Lub you all! And I feel seriously, so blessed!! (Hey, that would be a cool title for a blog, don't you think).


Chief said...

Wow! Three times a week huh. I guess they just pee in their pants if they use all of their "passes" before Friday?

Annette Lyon said...

Thanks to the teens in my ward describing that hall, I now know exactly what school your kids go to. :D

And thanks--I know have that stupid HSM song going through my head.

Sandi said...

Well, being a Utard has obviously done nothing to make you lose your sense of humor :) hahahahahahaha I love this post!
I almost got sad when you said that about your kids eating alone...but NO! that is not how they roll, thank goodness!
I just knew that going to school in Happy Valley really was like High School Musical- thanks for confirming that for me.
p.s. you are TOTALLY not a are the main show, trust me.

Sandi said...

p.s. Happy Blog Anniversary To YOU!

Barbaloot said...

Happy Anniversary! I hope your kids like their schools. I don't know which ones they're going to, but if it's Cherry Hill, Lakeridge and/or Mt. View they're in great hands! Any other schools and I'm not talking to them anymore:)

Melanie J said...

Man, when my son started a new school in 3rd grade, my husband had to forcibly restrain me from going to eat lunch with him every day for the first week. But I still do it on his birthday. Even though my son tries to forcibly restrain me.

kasey ferrell said...

I am glad you made it to utah! Me and Suli talked to your Husband yesterday or the day before, he said he is sad to be leaving! your kids are brave i could have never moved to a new school i think i would have died!

The Wixom Zoo said...

For reals, you make me laugh! My mom have a secred admirer don'tcha know? Good luck in your new place. :)

T said...

bet you money (the 30,000 would be good) that your kids can get a waiver from that 3Xaweek rule if they just ONCE pee on the teachers' foot. Of course you forfeit the prize if the kids refuse to participate in our little experiment

Ba Dum Bum!

T said...

and happy anniversary

your word verifier says blyst - that's like UBER blest I think!

Jami said...

I'm just going to sit here and load this page again and again and again and again. I love you that much.

Jami said...

Phew, that was exhausting.

April said...

you are a side kick to no one!

April said...

yeah for the internet! and for reunions with hubbys who flag down moving vans.....darn it!

April said...

yeah for kids who are adjusting to lives in new schools!

April said...

and now for your moment of silence...........

(where is Kritta anyways.....she will help get this count up to 100!!!)

Congrats Crash!

Amanda said...

I think you should definitely investigate the rollover bathroom would be a shame to lose those from week to week.

Congrats on your one year anniversary...I didn't realize you had just started around the time I started...of course you have WAY more followers, way more to say and you're much wittier than I could ever hope to be. Thanks for spending the last year with us!

val of the south said...

Happy Blogabirthday!

Isn't it downright scary how friendly people are here - I loved your response to the checker!

So how long before you get your stuff? Do they put it in a shipping container and slow boat it?

Katria said...

I think all Utah schools are like that. Crowded halls.. Yup. Sounds pretty accurate.

Happy Blogiversary!

T said...

Wait! were you shopping at Harmon's... if so I'm telling you it's just them... seriously, I blogged about it (back in February) because they were FAR too friendly... somebody forgot to tell them that they were being hired as "stockers" and not "stalkers"

springrose said...

OK, so two things....1. So what if your kids use the 3 bathroom passes, then they get sick and need to barf? What do they do? Barf in the class trash can?? I guess they would re evaluate that rule real quick if enough kids were sick at the same time!! 2. My 1 year old loves your play list. He is dancing while I read and type. Infact he tried to send his thanks and I ended up having to retype this whole thing since he deleted it!! Love your posts!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

I'm so glad you are there and settling in. Hopefully it will continue to be such a happy valley for y'all.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

LOL LOL LOL... of course we are ALL High School Muscial and happy!!! HELLO... land of the promise ring a bell??? heheheh J/K

You're HERE!

So when do we get to meet up again???

And there is NO WAY you are a side kick... NO WAY!

I don't believe it!

I love that your kids refer to them as the brown students... HA! They are molding in nicely aren't they?


Okay... lub ya and have missed ya... cause I've been a knuckle head busy!!! :)


HA! I totally do that when I'm trying to lie... only that I hardly lie, but if I'm mumbel... it's a dead give away! FUN FACT about me huh?

DeNae said...

I just left Provo, like, five hours ago! I didn't remmeber you were there already, Crash!

New school stuff with your kids is the WORST!! You're right; that "lonely lunch" image gets me every time!

And happy bloggyversary! I sure do enjoy reading your stuff!

And do NOT even get me started on schools regulating how many times your kids' bodies do what kids' bodies do. Believe me, it's not just a UT thing.

Debbie said...

I forgot your twins were still in elem school. I wonder some things. I'll have to email you. Wouldn't that be crazy if we saw each other at school functions. And I could smile all big and bright and shiny at you. Although there is like a 1/10 chance of that or something.

Happy 1 year! My blogversary is tomorrow. Crazy.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I didn't go online yesterday and now this news is OLD to me. Drats.

Happy One Year! Yea!!!

I'm so happy Utah hasn't killed you yet. I mean I worry about you there that's Hatu backwards. I mean, that's just weird right?

Tiffany said...

Happy blog-iversary to you!!!

Mariko said...

Ha! That's nothing.
Our students only get to pee 4 times a quarter. That's a quarter a quarter!

I've been in Kona this weekend and they had the nerve to charge us for internet access, so I didn't let them. I was suffering though.

I'm totally okay with 28 dollars.