Okay, so I grew up in Utah, but it wasn't until I moved back, after 20 plus years, that I finally get why they call it Happy Valley.
It's because everyone is so happy. All those statistics about depression in Utah must be propaganda because alls I see is smiles.
Big bright smiles.
Big bright shiny smiles.
Utah is full of big bright shiny happy people holding hands.
They're not just happy either. They're funny too. Everyone's a comedian in Utah. Seriously, it's like being on the Donny and Marie show. The last thing they need is another Crash Test Dummy. But I think I could make a great sidekick---you know the one who says ba dum bumafter every joke. I say it all the time under my breath. I can't help myself. I think I'm just a natural born side kick.
And they're nice too. Even the gas pumps say Have a nice day!!!!
Yesterday the checker at Albertsons was talk-talk-talking my head off so I finally had to put my hand up and say, "Just tell me your name and I'll vote for you."
She was like, "huh?"
And I was like, "You've got my vote, just put a lid on it, would ya."
And she was like, "but I'm not running for any office."
And I was like, "Then why all the pleasantries? Just cut to the chase and ring me up already!"
Was that rude?
Utah is also so darn cute. And clever. Everything is downright darling. Especially the schools.
My kids started school this week. If you want to know what it's like to go to school in Utah just watch High School Musical. Fo' real, everyone is Disney adorable and they break into song all the time. My 5th graders even get to line up outside their classroom and do a cheer before school starts. And after my daughter's soccer games a whole bunch of bee-U-tiful teenagers stand on the sidelines and sing and dance about how they will love their school until they die.
That's a big commitment. I just hope they don't put that on a t-shirt because if there's one thing I've learned about life since this whole moving thing it's that school loyalties are easily broken.
The only thing about my kid's school that's NOT like High School Musical is the over population. The high school is so crowded in between classes that they actually call one of the halls The Birth Canal.
On the bright side, at least they're all in The Birth Canal together. (Together. Together Everyone.) (Well, everyone but Zach Efron.)
The only complaint from my kids about Utah schools is that they have too many rules--or, as they say in Utah, TONS of rules. In my twins 5th grade class they are only allowed to go to the bathroom three times a week.
I wish I had known you could put a quota on bodily functions when I was pregnant.
I wonder what will happen if they have to go to the bathroom, like, say, every single day. I wonder if they can get bathroom credit. Like if they only go twice one week, do you think they can carry the remaining bathroom pass over to the next week?
The schools are also very safe. After they go to the bathroom they are required to wash their hands for 1 minute and 30 seconds. I must confess, it's kinda comforting to know that my twins will be washing their hands for at least 4 and a half minutes a week.
I hear the classes are super hard too. Allow me to do an impression (in pidgin) of my 8th grader when I picked him up from his first day of Jr. High.
Ceramics is sooooooo hard! We have to make clay pots and stuff.
And English! Sooooo hard! We have to read a book! On our own!
And Keyboarding!! Did you know that keyboarding is typing?Why don't they just call it typing?
Apparently he thought he'd be playing computer games all period. Go figure!
On the upside, his U.S. History teacher lubs Jack Johnson so I'm going to somehow accidentally on purpose print up that photo of ME with JJ's arm wrapped around me and staple it to his first assignment. I might even include the one of JJ's BVD's for extra credit.
Hey, I do what it takes to get my kids by.
I have to say, one of the worst things about moving is watching your kids wander around the halls at school by themselves. But what really gets me is imagining them sitting alone at lunch, silent in a sea of chaos. There is something so forlorn about eating alone in front of people.
I was relieved when my twins came home yesterday and said they were making TONS of new friends. "That's how we roll," they said. And then one of them said there are four brown people at school and he has already made friends with one of them.
On an unrelated note, today is a special day, and not just because it's the day we get ready for Sunday. 1. We get the internet. 2. My hub arrives. 3. It's the one year anniversary of the Crash Test Dummy Diaries.
Moment of silence please.
Wouldn't it be cool if I got my 30,000th hit on my anniversary? I'm only 100 hits away.
I should totally give away $30,000 to my 30,000th hit, huh?
Remember when I gave away $1,000 to my 1,000th hit?
And I won.
That was so awesome. (Until my hub wouldn't let me give myself the money.)
Anyways, cheers to my first year. My last year in Hawaii.
Thanks for sharing it with me. You peeps have no idea how much all of your support and encouragement--especially through this move--has helped me. (I honestly couldn't have done it without you.)
So glad we're all in this together (except Zach Efron).
Lub you all! And I feel seriously, so blessed!! (Hey, that would be a cool title for a blog, don't you think).