Thursday, August 6, 2009

No worries

This is a humor blog.  A pain free zone.  An escape from reality.  

That is why today I'm NOT going to burden you with my moving stresses.  I'll just disperse some helpful advice instead.

If you don't want to burden others with your stresses, alls you have to do is say but no worries, I'm good at the end of each troubling thought.  Or you can also say but no worries, it's not that bad.  

Anything to that effect.

For example,  if you're describing a major life change that feels like a chronic toothache gnawing away at your soul, don't forget to add but no worries, I'm good so others don't feel uncomfortable or think you're complaining.

As a rule, be cool, and try not to let your visiting teachers see you sweat (especially around your eyeball area).  If you have a choice between grumpy or weepy, GO GRUMPY!

Seriously!  Grumpy says I'm in charge.  I'm capable.  And strong.  And independent.  And don't even think about messing with me right now, particularly if you're my hub and I've asked you to run to the dump, is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?

J/K peeps!  No worries.  I would never get grumpy with my hub.  It's not that bad.

I did, however, ask him nicely to run to the dump for me yesterday because I cleaned out my children's childhood playroom--the playroom each of my children played in throughout their entire childhood. 

And while I was cleaning out their childhood playroom I was thinking of that song Iwa told me to add to my playlist I Miss You, My Hawaii by Na Leo and I was wondering why Na Leo didn't think to title it, I Miss You, My Legos or I Miss You My Lincoln Logs or my chubby blocks or my hot wheels.

I'm thinking of writing my own song called I Miss You, My Washer/Dryer and singing it to my hub who insists we bring our old washer and dryer to Utah even though he knows I've always wanted a set of red front loaders. 

But fo' reals all is good in the hood right now.  No worries.  We are taking care of biz-ness.  It's not that bad making important, life-changing, earth-shattering, mind-numbing decisions and tying up the loose end of one life, while opening a can of worms in the other.  

I didn't even break a sweat when Kahuku high school refused to let my kids attend classes for one day so they could say goodbye to their friends.   

"There are no visitors allowed during the first week of school," the helpful, friendly, courteous, kind Kahuku lady told me.  

"But they're not visitors.  They're actually enrolled." 

"Did they pick up their schedules?"

"No, because we're moving next week." 

"Then they'll have to say goodbye to their friends after school." 

Awkward pause to process incoming information.

"Sooooooo . . . does this mean they're not Red Raiders for Life?  Cuz that's what all your T-Shirts say."


"Just saying." 

But noooooooo worries.  I'm gooooooood.  It's not that baaaaaaad.  In fact, the only time I broke a sweat this week was when my son asked me to pour him a bowl of Frosted Flakes.  

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"  I sobbed uncontrollably.  "You're 13 years old and you can't pour yourself a bowl of Frosted Flakes???????"

Moving doesn't hold a candle to the challenges of motherhood.


Homer and Queen said...

I bought my white front loaders and they came out with the red ones the next day! I will come to cougarland and visit your red front loaders and bring you macadamia nuts from the Hawaiian store in the Mall here and say aloha to you honey!!! I'm sorry!!!

Jami said...

Yeah, those Frosted Flakes get to me too. Has nothing at all to do with any other stuff going on. Nope. It's all gooooood.

My eyeballs are sweating a bit for you babe. But more for your buddies.

Jami said...

Also...Rocklin is indeed about one minute from me!

iMaLLheaRt said...

I can't believe you guys are moving ALREADY! I know we're not like bosom friends or anything but if you need help packing and dumping and giving stuff away, clea or whatever, just let me know. I mean, I DO live in Laie and help is help. It's totally up to you. Just Facebook me. When are you guys headed to the airport?...couldn't you kids visit on like Monday or something...sad.

Sandi said...

The T-shirts totally lie! You should have not asked permission, just taken those kids and let them say their goodbyes and stick it to the office lady!
I can't believe you are finding time to blog, but so glad that you are. Don't kill the hub- you will like him again after all the moving is done. If not, he knows where to find Martha :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

HA HA HA HA! I LAUGHED OUT LOUD Sandi when you said my hub knows where to find Martha. I mean, I seriously LAUGHED out LOUD. Sometimes I say LOL, but I'm really only lol-ing in my head.

Nothing gets by Sandi.

Okay, I definitely should not have asked permission because one thing I've learned in life is DON'T ask permission. It doesn't EVER pay to do go through the proper channels.

Honestly, It opened the floodgates for me. Too bad my poor son had to ask for a bowl of frosted flakes right after I hung up because I was so TAMN mad at Kahuku high school. WE are NOT visitors. I hate being treated like a visitor.

But guys, since I broke down and sobbed my eyes out I've had a few angels show up so I'm happy again and NO WORRIES. Tomorrow will be a happy post. I promise.

Thanks Carol for the offer, I may take you up on it next week, K. I'm started to stress.

Jami, I am so excited Rocklin is only one minute away because I plan on staying with my friends in Rocklin and then we can partay!

Queenie, can't wait for the mac nuts. ;) You are a sweetie pie. I coming to Vegas soon too, baby.

IWA (e - va) said...

HAHAHAHA! I laughed out loud too! Aww Sandi.. you always know what to say! hahahahahaha!

But your right about asking permission! so tomorrow just drop them off at the entrance and then give them wach a dollar to catch the bus home when Kahuku realizes that they dont belong! and if you need a visitor tag, I got a bunch of "HELLO my name is" tags lying around!

DeNae said...

Are you really coming to Las Vegas, Crash? Cuz you know I'm here, too, right? And you totally want to come and see me, right? Right? Say it! Say you want to see me in Las Vegas! SAAAAAAYYY IIIIIITT!

Oh, and I long ago decided that the most power hungry people on Doug's green earth are school secretaries.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, you alway know the right thing to say too.

Ha ha about the visitor tag.

The reason I wanted my daughter to go to school tomorrow is because she leaves on Sunday to get started on her new soccer team.

DeNae YES! I am totally coming. I'm going to be a road trip junkie when I move. And YES! I know you're there girl and I plan on meeting up with you and doing something crazy. Can't wait!

Oh, and who's Doug? ;)

T said...

DeNae, you can drive up for the ParTay in St. George right??? we're throwing a Crash Bash... although I might have to make her bring her own Li Hing Mui because I can't find it anywhere here :)

maybe you can convince someone to bedazzle the words "unless you move to P.R.O.V.O." to the end of that t-shirt to make it more accurate?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha T! I'll ask Jilly Bean to bedazzle that for me.

YAY for the Crash Bash! If DeNae can't come to St. George St. George will come to DeNae.

The Garden of Egan said...

I think it sounds like you are all going to be having way too much fun.
I think Las Vegas will never be the same.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Egan, next time I'm in Island Park (July 7th) I'm coming for YOU!!!! We'll turn that whole park upside down.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey guys, thanks for cheering me up by reminding me of all that I have to look forward to.

April said...

And the next time the secretary is mean to you, make sure your eyes "sweat" over the electrical wires to the washer and dryer to short them out. Then you can get your new red front loaders you want. But no worries being electrocuted isn't that bad. Can it?

Mariko said...

Go pick up your schedule. Then walk around school like you own the place.

Or don't pick up your schedule, and then walk around school like you own the place. Your very favorite teacher will write you a pass.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I think one of the worst things about moving is trying to make it easier on our kids. Dang system and the man. I hope you do stick it to the man and drop your daughter off tomorrow.

So much better to ask forgiveness than permission. Seriously. And would you stop adding stress to yourself by promising us to write a happy post tomorrow. K. You are starting to sound like Scarlet O'Hara.

Just move past the denail stage and accept that fact that moving sucks big time and hey it is something to cry about and it's OK, no worries.

And I think that a lovely matching set of red front loaders would be the perfect thing to help assuage your grief. Just saying.

Martha said...

Sandi, I can't believe you said that! But hey no worries, I can take a joke, I'm good, it's not that bad.

I have to admit I laughed super hard and all my kids were doing their homework and wanted to know what I was laughing at so I had to say: "Nothing, do your homework, dang kids".

Martha said...

Just send Z & T to school tomorrow. Everyone's schedule is so messed up the teachers don't even know who in or not in their class. Rachel just got hers changed today and Josh's is still goofed up.

Dolly said...

I am in so many tears for you right now Debbie. Oops I called you by your AKA. But that's because this is sooooo serious. I so don't buy the no worries. I go through this at least once a year and it doesn't get easier just because I do it a lot. If anything, more experiences+age=more memories=more tears.

And I so know how Hawaii Public School people can push the pain right back down your throat. I had to re-enroll Izzy into Laie Elem. so she could finish her last week of kindergarten when we came back last May. They tried to tell me to go away, but I put my fists up and said, "make me".

I just heard yesterday about your move and I feel so much of feelings right now. We are in Orem right now and will be in Laie next Wednesday. I guess we will miss you this time but will have to see you when we come back and forth to Provo ourselves. We are buying a house here too. Why not make our lives even crazier and live between three places instead of just two?

Where are you gonna buy a house? Let's be neighbors. So many houses for sale in each neighborhood around here.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha April! I think you're right. I hear getting shocked to death ain't that bad. It would be worth the risk for the new red front loaders.

Mariko, oh my goodness, how embarrassingly true. I hope Co doesn't read this post because she does NOT take no for an answer and she would scold me BIG TIME for sobbing uncontrollably just because my son wanted me to pour him a bowl of Frosted Flakes. (wink wink).

In fact she would call me (if she wasn't so busy) with a plan of action to get my kids on campus ASAP.

Amen Nutty Hamster chick! To everything you said, especially the front loaders. But I can't think about that right now. I'll think about that tomorrow, because frankly, my hub doesn't give a tamn.

Ha ha Martha, that was a good one. Nothin' gets by you either. You and Sandi are like twins, except I think Sandi has gray hair.

hee hee J/K Sandi. I'm sure you color the gray.

Martha doesn't take no for an answer either so of course she would just send the kids to school. And she's right. I'm going to stick it to the man.

I wasn't really sobbing uncontrollably over that one comment from the friendly, courteous, kind Kahuku lady. I was sobbing uncontrollably over all the past kind, courteous Kahuku compassion shown to me on a regular basis.

I'm sentimental that way.

Dolly, SO GLAD YOU'RE back! Yes, let's be neighbors. We haven't bought a house yet, but we're staying in AF until we find one. Please read my post later today and advise.

I really appreciate your kind compassion. (Not Kahuku kind) You are the expert mover. How cool you'll be able to split yourself three ways. hee hee

I will be here next Wednesday. Tatum is leaving on Sunday to start soccer, but we will be here until the end of the week. I would love to see you. Can't wait to hear all about our summer RV across America. Now that I'll be in the mainland I'm SO going to BLOG ACROSS AMERICA!

Melanie J said...

I would like to kick that Kahuku lady in the shins for you.

Sandi said...

I will have you know that I do NOT color my gray. I just make my daughter search and destroy with tweezers so there.
I am on pins and needles here, wondering if you managed to get those ex-red raiders on campus....Did Mariko help? huh huh?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Melanie J. I give you my permission and my blessing.

Sandi, I'm dropping my daughter off after seminary. I will return and report as the updates become available.

She says she only wants to stay an hour anyway. We'll see how serious they are about their no child left behind policy.

I'll send my son next week as a VISITOR since they allow VISITORS during the 2nd week.

Martha said...

I swear they will not notice Tatum at Kahuku when you send her. This year is the most messed up they have ever been with kids' schedules.

At least Tatum got to be sort of a BYUH Seasider for a couple of weeks. I think she sorta liked the college guys in my tennis class. Yesterday, I had her partner up with a girl who's pretty decent and they played doubles against some freshman guys. After that we played a game and she ditched her girl partner and headed straight for the boys' court. I think she'll be ready for college in three years and I hope she'll come back here and play on our tennis team. Then you guys would have to come visit to watch her.

iMaLLheaRt said...

I know this is super late but it's so true. They probably would NOT have noticed her since it is the worst year schedule wise. that I know of since my 2 1/2 years working there. and I DID see her there and I did nothing! Didn't even blink an eye!