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Monday, August 3, 2009

There's nothing funny about moving . . .

So don't expect me to entertain you with it.  

It's just a lot of decisions.  And dust.  and flashbacks.  

Every speck of dust holds a memory because it's OUR dust.  WE created it.  It chose to settle on US for some reason, even though it could have settled on anyone else in the neighborhood.  

And every speck of dust is wrapped around an object.  Which holds a memory.  Which brings on a flashback.  Which gives me whiplash.  (Not to mention allergies.)

And after you get through the flashbacks (and the allergies) you have to make decisions.  Do you keep it, sell it, or trash it?  Or do you give it to your next door neighbor, Martha?

And it's not just the dust you get attached to.  It's the cockroach droppings.  And the gecko droppings.  And the mouse droppings. 

You are saying EWWW! but unless you live in Hawaii, you don't fully understand.  Just like you don't fully understand ukus (head lice) or dust mites or termites or fleas or mold.  In Hawaii we have the aloha spirit.  We are not exclusive (except to snakes).  We open our arms to all creatures, great and small and we co-exist together peacefully.  Your major inconveniences are our minor irritations.  And our minor irritations never die.  They just keep growing and thriving and mutating and evolving . . . 

And we LIKE it like that!

On top of that, in Laie we don't have choices.  There are no houses for sale or schools to chose from.  And we LIKE it like that too!  BYU-H tells us where to live and we live there and we're happy.  We don't need upgrades like fresh paint and clean floors.  They pipe us all twelve of our t.v. channels and they screen our internet.  And they tell us what not to wear better than Clinton or Stacey ever could.   

Choices are overrated.  Every day we wake up and wrack our brains trying to decide where to live and which school to send our kids.  Do we want them to become musicians or artists or athletes?  Are do just want them to become thunderbirds?  

And then on top of that we have to decide which house to buy.  Wood floors, tile or carpet?  Three car garage or two?  

What in the world would anyone want with a three car garage?  Or two?  We don't even park our cars in our one car garage.  That's what driveways are for, people!

And while I'm asking questions, where's all the cinder block?

We haven't even considered the dust yet.  Which area has the best dust?  Which dust is the friendliest? Does the affluent dust have an attitude? Will the spiritual dust give us allergies?

Like I said before, there's nothing funny about moving.  

So don't expect me to entertain you with it. 

30 comments:

Skeet said...

Hey, I'm totally first. Now I'm gonna go back and actually read the blog.

Jillybean said...

You are so right, there is nothing funny about moving. The last time we moved, I was 9 months pregnant. That was even less funny.
Are you still looking for a house? There's one for sale in our neighborhood. Our ward could use some Crash! (and our Gospel Docterine teacher has an Australian accent)

Skeet said...

Oh Crash, That was hilarious when you said, "In Laie we don't have choices." And then when you said, "Wood floors, tile or carpet," I almost peed my pants.... Okay really, it wasn't that funny, I'm just trying to lighten the mood in here.

IWA (e - va) said...

I think its way easier to have your neighbors and ward member to come through your home and take anything you want and junk the rest..... or course you also have them come back later and wipe all your base boards down and scrub your walls and floors!

that way you leave all the roaches here and you have an excuse to go shopping in Utah!

holla if you need a hand!

and non-hawaiian peeps... I concur with all said!

DeNae said...

Wood floors. Three cars. Musicians. And as there are rarely hurricanes in Provo, you can let go of the cinder block pizza oven house idea. Let it go, Crash. Let. It. Go. (When we left the Caribbean, I was delighted to own a house that actually had a POINT on its roof!)

I was going to say something about "limiting choices" being Satan's plan, but I figured the BYUH internet wouldn't let that one through.

I'm feeling you, baby! And you are still freaking hilarious, even when you're up to your ears in gekko droppings (which were always my faves, too.)

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Amen.

I'd say a whole lot more, but I'm in the middle of my own move and soooo very tired of choosing.

Big box or small box. Packing paper or bubble wrap. Take out or dry ramen.(I can't remember where I chose to pack my pots and pans)

Good Luck!

Monica said...

You'll change your tune about the 2 car garage the minute it starts snowing. Welcome to Utah.

Martha said...

I have a solution-----Don't Go. It's not too late to change your minds. You haven't shipped anything yet, just stay and play with me some more.

So Saturday night after our fun tennis evening I came home and decided that I can't hang out with you guys anymore, cuz it's just gonna make it that much harder when you go.

Especially when Josh and I played doubles with Al and Zach and then we all went to the beach and then more tennis at night. I will never play tennis again!!! (Well, until tomorrow when I have to teach my class). I told Perry that tennis will never be the same for me. There will never be another family who plays tennis and basketball as well as yours. So who will my kids play with? He suggested a few other families and I said, "No way, they are so junk". Perry said that maybe another tennis and basketball playing family will move and if not he promises to play with me more.

Martha said...

I had the hardest time deciding what to bring back from Samoa and we only lived there 2 1/2 years. We were leaving in a couple of hours and I wasn't even close to done packing because I couldn't decide. My friend Kay came over and just decided for me. Basically she went through everything and weeded out the dumb things that I was taking. So just remember it's cheaper in Utah anyway.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha to Jillybean's comment about her gospel doctrine teacher being from Australia.

Martha, my guilt is growing by the day. I can't believe we are tearing your world apart. What if I just gave you my kids with all the dust I'm going to give you? But even that wouldn't be enough. I'd have to give you my hub too. Maybe I'll just move to Utah by myself. ;)

Sue, I didn't realize you were in the middle of a move! Good luck, girlfriend.

Skeet, so am I funny or were you just humoring me?

DeNae, cracking up over BYU editing out Satan's plan comments. hee hee

Iwa, I like your idea about having an open house free for all. BYOSB (bring your own scrubbing brush)

Jami said...

Oh Crash! I feel so bad for all of your neighbors and students. And you. Poor Crash has to leave paradise. :(

Just remember wherever you go, there you are. And on top of that remember that you make your own dust. 73.7% of dust is dead skin cells. You don't want to know what the rest is.

Chief said...

Hey, glad I found you!

Moving is so emotional and exhausting! I feel for you. I like my dust and dirt too because I know it has to be cleaner than other peoples dust and dirt!

Lara said...

I'm right there with you. Only we're moving FROM Utah to the nether regions of Michigan. And it's not funny at all.

Good luck!

Melanie J said...

Um, I'm not going to move ever. A family of five can fit in a 2 bedroom condo for that long, right?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I always say moving is about the worst thing that can happen to a person. Have you ever heard some one say "I just moved and it was the best time ever" No you hear people tell of horror stories. I myself have never expereinced a fun relaxing move. It is a four letter word as far as I am concernced. And yet it does seem to be a necessary evil often. Dang. Just look at all the moving stories in the scriptures.

So just remember, when you are going through hell, don't stop.

And some day you will look back and realize that it was all worth it.

And Martha, try and remember it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. But I am not convinced of that at all, so if you believe it, you are better person than me. I hate hate loss and try to avoid it at all cost. I am so very sorry for you and your kids. We should all pray for a similiar family to move in.

Maybe you could plant a tree in memory of your dear friends.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Oh and I have CMDIMLDOI (Can't make decisions if my life depended on it)so I totally feel your pain in that department. Especially when your life does depend on it. NO pressure there, right. Sheesh.

Mariko said...

I feel so ashamed that you are not even living in Utah yet and you are already implying that we are choice-less.
You mean you WANTED another English teacher????
Pshaw.

WV is "bringeth". As in "Bringeth it on."

Martha said...

Sorry to make you feel guilty. I was just telling the truth.

Yeah, the decisions part is so true. I talked to the Em (the BYU housing lady) today again about our new floors and our choices are so limited that I'm about ready to cave and just get tile. Anything would be better than this old dirty grungy carpet. Then she said, "Well we're going to totally redo Frampton's house with some sort of vinyl stuff that looks like wood." So I'll go look at that tomorrow and see if it's ok. Then she said maybe we could stay in your house while they redo our house.

So maybe there is one upside to your moving. This is the first one so far.

I am LoW said...

I say give it all to Martha- if that helps any.

Anjeny said...

Just want to drop in and tell you I'm having sympathy pain for you, for Martha and heck, I'm having one for myself. I hate moving...I guess I should say that I hate moving with a passion, every time the hubby talk about moving, I threaten his life...lol.

Let me know if I can come help with anything, ok? I'll bring my own scrub brush....aight? Love ya girl..

T said...

the first nine years of our marriage we lived in NINE different places... I've moved at 7 months pregnant, 9 months pregnant (different baby thank goodness), Extremely dehydrated, the day after Christmas... you name it. but no matter what, it still sucks.

you sound as good with choices as I am... you know I google restaurant menus so I don't have to be under the pressure to decide AT the table? No joke...

all the dust up there will give you allergies - so no worries about that, just focus on solid surface flooring (myself, I'm a tile fan) and 2 car garage... (3 can be a little ostentatious...)

I just realized today how close September is... criminy! I've been in the little "oh, in a few months we'll have Crash in our state" and then I heard an ad for the PF concert today - and it hit me, this is SOON!

Amber Lynae said...

I think you should sweep up all your Laie dust and take it to Utah. That way you can have friendly dust. And maybe it will train the Utah dust to be all islandy.

Maybe you can suggest that the BYU provo and BYU H campus move locations and then you can stay put. I dunno just a suggestion... Why should you be the ones moving anyhow?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I'm laughing at all of you. But especially Mariko. Bringeth it on! HA! NO, I never wished my daughter has a different hoity toity English teacher. Are you kidding me?????? I did however wish for a different SS teacher.

Colleen said...

Wait a minute. Since when does Utah have choices? They don't even let you choose what religion to join, or political party for that matter. And you have to do service all the time and be nice to everyone. Even the car rental people there are really, really nice. Even when you are jet lagged and really salty. Obviously they have no choice. It's kind of weird. Hey, I just learned that Elder Faust was a Democrat. That is so upsetting! I can't wait until you move back to Hawaii!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha Jami! Only you would have those kind of statistics. Hey Jami, I have some friends in Rocklin and that is 1 minute away from you, right? They said we could come stay with them if we send our car to San Fran.

Ha ha Pat. You are always so wise and witty all at once. I love your advice to Martha. ha ha ha Oh you crack me up. Mostly because I know you're being serious.

Hey Chief! Welcome aboard. You look fun.

Lara? The nether regions of Michigan? You're right. That's not funny at all. How is it that everyone is moving right now. It's like the whole world is shifting.

Martha I think it would be very cool if you could live in our house while your house is being renovated. You're welcome for the personal sacrifice on your behalf.

P.S. peeps, Martha already broke her promise/threat and played tennis with us again.

Anjeny, you don't need to bring your own scrubbing brush. I will let you borrow one of mine. And don't forget about our blogger lunch before I go. LET's DO IT!

T, YAY PF is coming in concert. How cool you saw an Ad. I will be there! I better start planning that blogger lunch soon.

Amber I like that idea. Why didn't I think of that!?

Colleeeeeeeen, HA! I know what you're doing. I'm so on to you! Hey, I thought you were going to come over today! Hope you first day of school went well.

Funny Farmer said...

"What in the world would anyone want with a three car garage? Or two? We don't even park our cars in our one car garage. That's what driveways are for, people!"

One word for you, honey: snow.

And if you can afford it, get the 3 car garage. Because most two car garages are not big enough to park your cars in as well as store your lawn mower/snow blower/bicycles/multitude of yard tools/camping gear.

We are about to add on to our house, and we are seriously considering forking over big money to add on to the garage. Get as much garage as you can afford.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

wv: catin. As in, "let the catin the garage too!"

T said...

hmmm - funny farmer might have a good point on the garage issue...

your word verifier agrees - it says "mogrande" which, as we ALL know means More Big... I hadn't factored in the SNOW issue - being as we don't deal with that unpleasantness down here :)

CaJoh said...

I think I know what you mean. My wife basically inherited parts of her Aunt's and Mother's possessions and we have been holding on to them for several years now. I can understand things like china and furniture, but kitchen utensils and other common items we already have just don't make sense to me.

I can't just trash them because they may hold memories for my wife. But much like an archeological dig… taking something out of context loses its meaning somewhat, and the longer we have these things the more likely my wife will not hold them too dear and we can decide what to do with them.

Funny Farmer said...

I agree with CaJoh on the sentimental inherited objects -- it's a sticky situation.

My general rule of thumb when either considering a purchase or contemplating getting rid of something: Is the object worth the time, expense, and emotional energy it costs you to care for/move/store it?

Dolly said...

Ha ha ha ha ha. Why am I laughing so much at your nothing funny about moving post? Your every word in this post has been just the thing for me to read. Norm and I have been looking at Utah Valley houses to buy for the last few days and if I were a fabulous writer like you, I would have some fun stories to tell.

You are such an amazing wordsmith. I have been missing all of your postings this summer in my USA 20 state tour. I bought two AT&T quicksilver internet cards so we would be wired and all caught up with our electronic lives while living in the RV all summer. After spending too much money for that privilege, I found out that there is crappy coverage in most parts of this country. The cell towers are only in cities. But hello, most of this country is rural! Don't believe me. Go coast to coast and back in an RV. And who needs to pay AT&T for the privilege of dropping my signal, when I can just get any random person's free wifi by driving around and stalking their neighborhood.

Just sayin' I really missed you all summer and now I am gonna seriously miss not seeing you when I am in Hawaii. Very consoled by the fact that you are moving to Provo and so are we. Not year round like normal people but in my Dolly way, we are just going for it for the sake of, well, too many things to list on this comment card.

XXX I love you so much Crash! You ah da bestest!