I have arrived!

Aloha from planet Utah.

We have landed. Safely. And soundly. (Except my hub, who won't land until Saturday.)

I have been playing Boxcar Children at my sister's vacant house because all we brought with us were the clothes on our back and the skin off our teeth.  

And a whole bunch of duffle bags.  

Oh, and a bunch of back packs too.

We have no T.V. or internet and my phone is completely dead because I forgot to grab my charger before I was dragged off the Island of Oahu. 

In essence we are camping. We've even been foraging for berries and such. (Cap'n Crunch Berries). Living off the land. That's how we roll in Utah.

It's just too bad the Boxcar Children didn't have my sister around to bring them toilet paper and buy them garbage cans and make them taco salad and remodel their master bathroom.

That's not even the half of it, peeps. She snoops through my shopping lists then makes like a Walmart fairy. She types and notarizes documents for me while making my kids feel safe AND feeding all the teachers at the elementary school. 

All the while looking too cute to boot.   I would say she's a regular martha Stewart, if Martha Stewart were darling, and charming, and didn't go to jail, and wasn't obsessed with pitch black horses.  

My wish is for every Boxcar Child to have a sister like mine!  

Soooooooo, anyways (I like to say anyways because it drives my SIL crazy, as it's not proper English.)  

Soooooooo, anyways, have you all been sitting around breathing the breath of life (HA) into each other and wondering what the helk happened to me?

Allow me to summarize.

Remember how right before I left I said I was at that I CAN'T stage of my "moving" labor?

Well I wasn't. That stage didn't come until about 2 hours before I actually had to get on the plane. I honest-to-pete said I CAN'T leave yet. I was seriously so NOT ready to close the book and say The End.

I even called up the airlines to see how much it would cost to change our flights to the next day. It was only $2,000 but my cheapskate hub said "NO WAY, get your booty on that plane."

Such a kill-joy!

My eyeballs were literally sweatin' to the oldies when Martha and Swirl and all of my kid's BFF's were tossing plumeria flowers at our car as we drove out of our driveway and made our way down Naniloa loop for the last time.

I'm going to relive all the goodbyes for you (with photographic evidence) as soon as Comcast finally gets around to hooking up our internet (and our t.v. with a gazillion channels, plus DVRs (what the helk is a DVR?) plus UNLIMITED long distance phone service so our friends, Romans and countrymen can lend me their ears.)

On the plane I had a splitting headache because my eyeballs were water logged, but there's nothing like a good headache to help you come up with some great ideas. I thought of a title for my get-rich-quick cooking blog project.

Are you ready?

The Dumb & Dumber Project. (Any similarities to the Julie & Julia project are purely coincidental.)

Now I just have to wait for Kellie Pickler to write a cook book.

While I'm waiting I have another project in mind. I'm going to produce a reality t.v. show like The Bachelor meets Survivor meets a Japanese game show meets Harry meets Sally. 

My show will be heavy on the REALITY and light on the candles, wine and beaches. No heels. No bikinis. No roses. When the bachelor picks his dates he will not hand them a rose, he will hand them a baby with a dirty diaper or a bread maker or a to-do list--something a man would actually had a woman.

To test their compatibility they will have to do all the practical things a husband and wife actually do together--like raising a colicky baby, on a budget or getting through school, on a budget or remodeling a home, on a budget . . . or . . . I don't know . . . MOVING across the ocean. On a budget (which doesn't include a red front loader washer/dryer combo.)

Couples get divorced, on a budget, over such things.

But anyways, my boys and I missed the plane from Phoenix to Salt Lake. 

MY BAD!  

I was sitting right next to the gate with my ears perked for the boarding call and my mouth engaged in conversation with Kendra Ho Ching's fiance about Cambodia--that's when the plane closed it's doors.  It was embarrassing, but can you blame me?  I mean, it's so sad what happened to the Cambodians under that treacherous Pol Pot. 

So me and my boys and Kendra Ho Ching's finace all waved to the plane as it flew away before we murdered five hours before the next flight.  

Oh, pardon me for a moment, my mom just showed up to take my sister and I to get a pedi.  

Gotsta go!  

BRB (be right back) PP(pinky promise)  IHSMMTS (I have so much more to say)