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Saturday, February 21, 2009

A.D.D.D.


Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness!  

I feel like taking a long winter's nap.  Guess why?  

Because History Day is over!  Wahoo!  

And the brainchild made it past Districts.  She and her group will be going to the state competition in April.   

I'm such a proud grandma!  

And not just because my daughter's group is going on but because my son's group is going on too.  I never talked about my son because John Adam's (my daughter's project) was a much harder birth than Father Damien (my son's project). My son had an epidural for his brainchild and didn't feel any pain. 

(If you want to know what the what I'm talking about read this post.) 

So, at your request I'm now going to post my never-before-seen-by-human-eyes draft about my domestic disorder. It was written on October 11th, 2008  (And I've glammed it up a bit since).

............................................................................................

My name is Dummy and I have Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder.

At least that's what I said at my last ADDDA meeting. (Hey, why do they call it Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder Annonymous if I have to tell my name?)

ADDD is often confused with ADHD (Attention Deficit Housecleaning Disorder) but it is a far more serious problem.

ADHD is the simply the inability to focus on basic housekeeping tasks because you are allergic to brooms and dustpans.

But ADDD encompasses so much more. Your ears zone out when your child says the word homework, your eyes fog up when you try to alphabetize the piles of clutter on your countertop, and your brain freezes when your husband says, what's for dinner?

A few nights ago, while I was rebooting my brain, my husband told me it was time for an intervention.

I had never considered the possibility that I might have ADDD. I always thought I was just really good at multi-tasking and that one day all my tasks would be complete, but apparently I've been suffering from accute denial, which my husband says is not the same thing as cute denial.

"There's nothing cute about denial," he said when I put on my high school cheerleading skirt, grabbed my pom poms and grinned widely while chanting, "Push it down, push it down . . . waaaaayyyyy down!"

"You should be chanting "Give me an A! Give me a D!" he told me.

My ADDDA counselor says that education and support are key to coping with and managing my disorder, so I've organized support group.

If you are displaying five or more of the following symptoms, you too may need divine intervention.  Meet me (and the universe) in my comment box and I will take care of it.

The first step to coping is recognizing and taking responsiblity for your disorder. You may take responsibility for my disorder too, (if you feel so inclined (because it is kind of your fault, don't you think?)).

  1. Has your smoke alarm ever gone off while you were making dinner because you just had to finish a sadoku puzzle?
  2. Do you ever find rubber cement in your spice rack and blame it on Jackie Robinson?
  3. Do you ever feel an urgency to count and wrap your penny collection as soon as you begin scrubbing the kitchen floor?
  4. Do you ever fantasize about sticking the ethernet cable in your ear so you can blog while your husband is talking to you?
  5. Do you ever kneel down to pray but then remember you need to check your comment box real quick, (but hold that thought God, because I'll be right back to say amen, I pinky promise) ?
  6. Do you ever open the dishwasher then wash all the dishes by hand before loading it.
  7. Do you only get an overwhelming urge to clean your during Sacrament meeting or while you're grading research papers?
  8. Are you the only mom who blows off last-minute, optional lunch-on-the-lawns at your child's elementary school?  (Okay, I just added that one).

If you answered YES to at least five of these questions you too are suffering silently from ADDD.

It may be time to come out of the closet, ladies. (Unless that's where you hide your chocolate.)

27 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I only do one of those. But which one, I will never tell!

This is too, too funny!

Jen said...

I so have this disorder. Only some of my worst symptoms weren't mentioned - like feeling suddenly compelled to leave the house upon realizing it's a disaster.

Who are these women who make AND clean up dinner every night?

(Besides my mom).

IWA said...

Love this entry.... too funny!

Congrats on the mo'opuna!

I'm not leaving the closet any time soon... so I've come up with ways to coop with my disorder..

-Close the bedroom doors during the day (Out of sight out of mind)
-Use paper plates
-order take out

and when my friends stop and give me weird looks about my mess... I just lie to them about being sick... they always seem to understand! LOL!

I'm pretty sure my husband has ADHD!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I'm in the group too. Our support meetings will be so much fun.

Cept I'm not suffering so silently. Well at least the others in my house are not so silent.

I keep saying if we would just give up on eating, we coud take a trip to Hawaii with all the money we would save, but no one seems to think the trade off will be worth it.

And the snack thing is another thing devised of the devil to torture witless mothers. I can't even say how often I have had to race to a conveince store and pay a fortune for snacks. What you don't want a hot dog for your snack? How about a beef stick or a can of soup?

Jillybean said...

HI.

My name is Jill and I have ADDD.


I never thought of hiding my chocolate in the closet, I usually hide it in my tummy.

lori said...

I may be beyond help! I don't even get the urge to clean during sacrament anymore. Do you think there's still hope for me?

nevadanista said...

I have actually been clinically diagnosed with ADD! Ha - how many here can say that and throw it around when your ADDD is in full swing and your husband is attempting an intervention? It's awesome - or would be awesome, if I ever remembered it at such critical moments. I'm going to write a note to myself right now, so I'll remember to use it tomorrow come dinnertime :)

See, this kind of post is why I love you so much!!!

Martha said...

How can you say History Day is over. You have to do it in April too. It is never ending.

Once upon a time I used to make lunch and dinner every day. My poor kids thought they were suffering because I made them make their own breakfast.

Well, now they are luckily to get dinner at all. We live off of bball snacks and when people like us don't check the snack schedule it really messes us up.

Lucky grandpa is here and likes to eat out because he's taken us out quite a few times. When he leaves we are going back to Cup of Noodles.

Kritta22 said...

I vote for this one for you to turn in for your writing thingy!

I think I just have ADHD cuz I only have one of those.

I wonder if my blest friend, Kristina P, and I have the same one!??

Kritta22 said...

I think I just have ADHD cuz I only have one of those.

I wonder if my blest friend, Kristina P, and I have the same one!??

Kritta22 said...

oops! I half posted twice...how in the world did I do that?

Kritta22 said...

Congrats to your son and daughter!! Let us know what day in april so we know why you have left us.

Do they have to come up with another grandchild??

And two of them...you must be so proud!

grandma Crash!

Kritta22 said...

We have ward Conference tomorrow and I have to be there early to play the prelude so the stake thinks we are awesome!

SOOOooooo....I'm going to bed!

I heart you!

Stephen said...

Very clever and funny.

sara said...

I love this post. It's hilarious. I'm happy to say I do not yet suffer from ADDD, but I hope to someday get there!

Emily said...

Me me me. Why don't they hold Sacrament meeting over on facebook and then I'd probably have better attendance (guess where I am supposed to be RIGHT NOW?)

I kind of have a little bit of a headache- didn't want to get anyone else sick.

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL...Crash you are too funny!
Congrats on the childrens making it to the State Comps!

springrose said...

Does it count if it is the kids rooms? They are always a stye!! I even tried to help by folding and sorting their clothes for the dressers. But the rest of the room needs an intervention! My room is great, since you can't count my fabric stash that is piles half way up the book case, right? I has purpose, to inspire me.
Also The "Tooth Fairy" forgot to come two nights in a row!! How rude!! That lady obviously is way to busey, she just falls into bed.

Anjeny said...

Hello, I'm the rambling islander, I have ADDD. Every time I hear the word "domestic" I go completely ba-zongers.

I am the mom/wife who would hide out in my laundry room with a book to read, pretending to do laundry, so I don't have to hear my hubby says, "what's for dinner" or that my kitchen floor is collecting months of unwanted crap.

Thanks for post Crash. I fit all your descriptions and more. I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest, I think, we'll see.

Melanie J said...

Uh oh. I think my case is actue and irreversible.

Martha said...

Springrose, Our toothfairy is really slow moving too. Although, I have come up with the best excuse ever. I tell the kids that Oahu is a little, tiny island in the middle of the Pacific and it is so out of the way that it takes the Toothfairy a long time to get here. They are still buying it.

Mariko said...

I totally don't believe you have ADDD because your daughter told me you are an amazing multi tasker and always keep the house clean, make dinner, help everyone with their history day, and blog with your little toe. And man, does your little toe have some TALENT!

Heidi Ashworth said...

So far there is still room for both me and the chocolate in my closet . . but not for long.

I am LoW said...

hehe haha hoho!!

Love the post!!

I am suffering, I don't know what with, but I know I suffer! :-)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Mariko, I love that my daughter THINKS I keep the house clean. She must be blind. Ask Martha. She will confirm my disorder. And about the cooking. HELLO! She is easy to please. She hasn't been out in the real world yet. Saimin noodles satisfy her just fine. And the blogging with my little toe. NO NO NO. I blog with my big toe.

ha ha ha to all of your comments. Thanks for the giggles today!

T said...

I think I could have written this... well, maybe if I were a slightly more accepting and funny version of myself...

WV says "comisal" - is that like commiserate?

ADDD, ADHD... they go well with my OCD (obsessive computer disorder)

Youngblood4ever said...

Are you sure these are the only symptoms? I was wondering if blogging a contest for the grossest kitchen floor might be a symptom too! If so, I need help. I don't think I am ready to take responsibility for my disorder but I love to hear about OPP (other people's problems!).