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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Impossible Dreams

Last week I had a strange and unusual day (with a moral attached to the end).

It started with a cockroach and it ended with a cockroach.


At 2 a.m. my husband jumped out of bed and began beating the life out of his pillow. And then he did a strangle-hold on the covers.

What the helk? I cried.

"There's a cockroach in bed with us!" he cried back.

Ewwww.

I jumped up and we both commenced upon the task at hand: smacking our bed senseless.


Later that day another strange and unusual thing happened. I picked up 15 tacos at Taco Bell to feed my daughter's history day group. The cashier's forearm sported a fierce tatoo of a gigantic dagger dripping blood. When he took my order he called me beautiful and told me he wouldn't tell my husband our little secret.

"Thanks."

(That was all I could squeak out in reply.)


Things just kept getting stranger from there--my daughter used the word undulated in a sentence during dinner. And then later my 10 year old son, who was supposed to be in bed, came down the stairs with an open library book. He was READING!

Did you hear that, Peeps? I said, HE WAS READING!

And he asked us if he could read to US because apparently he really liked the last page of his book.

And so we sat with our jaws in our laps and our eyes filling up with strange and unusual drop of wet amazement as he read to us about Tony Dungy's impossible dreams:

I'm glad I had parents that helped me to dream. I'm glad they taught me to pray about the things that were on my mind (like the Steelers winning the Superbowl--I added that part, btw) My parents taught me to whatever we dreamed about we should tell God beacause He is the one that can make those plans succeed.

When he shut the book, he smiled and said again, "I really like that last page."


That would have been a beautiful ending to a strange and unusual post, don't you think?

But there's more. This post is not over until the fat cockroach sings. (Or until the skinny cockroach surfs.)

As I was mounting the stairs to go to bed I looked up and there, on our painting of Pounders beach, was a skinny cockroach trying with all his might to surf those acrylic waves (bless his skinny little heart).

I didn't have it in me to squash his impossible dream so I just walked on by and left him there undulating.

34 comments:

wesley's mom said...

I can't believe I'm first!!

springrose said...

You never cease to make me laugh! And ewww about the cockroaches! Glad I live in Idaho now!! My Hubby used to live in Albuquerque and when we visited his dad one time I walked out into the garage before turning on the light and it crunched and gooshed! SO DISGUSTING!!!

wesley's mom said...

Okay, now my real comment, I just didn't want anyone to knock me out of first place whilst I was getting my witty comment together.

Did you really say "what the helk?"
Because when my husband wakes me up in the middle of the night I forget to use fake swear words and go for the real thing.

I bet it would have been funny though, if you had said "what the helk?" to dripping dagger guy.

What an amazing day. I have a couple of sons that could bring me to tears if they ever found a book that they liked enough to read aloud to me. I would probably weep.

I'm glad you let the second cockroach go. I hope he repays you by staying out of your bed.

Amanda said...

what a heart warming post...well, except the cold chill running down my spine from thinking of a cockroach in my bed. I understand you have to embrace the cockroaches and other disgusting critters to live in paradise...I'm not so sure I could do that but a cockroach is lucky to share a home with someone as kind hearted as you :)

I'm sure you were thrilled by your sons reaction to the book...what a success for someone who doesn't like to read :)

Barbaloot said...

Yuck. I never want to have any day that starts and ends with a cockroach.

In fact, I don't want any part of any day that has a cockroach involved.

sara said...

I don't know if I should be completely grossed out or inspired. I see anything creeping in my house and run for shoes. I don't think I would've let it go. You must be the better person.

T said...

I just had to say thanks for the "follower of the week" - and someday I'll organize my sidebar again maybe...

and now I have to actually read your post!!!

T said...

I'm not sure I would have been so nice to the undulating cockroach... not that I would have squished him, I would have turned into a wimpy girl and called M.O.T.H. to get him :)

I catch myself saying "what the helk" out loud now... but at 2 in the morning I don't think I'm that loquacious...

Your word verifier said "alist" - whoo-hoo, we're hitting the big time now!

until I mistyped it... volorjk just doesn't have the same ring to it :(

stupid typos

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

what an answer for that skinny little cockroach! You are so nice.

No funnies on this one...cause that was way sweet that your son liked that last page of the book...

And of course you are hot and OF COURSE the Tattoo guy told you, doesn't that happen ALL.THE.TIME? Gosh it does to me! :) lol

Love ya twin! (That's between you and I)

Sandi said...

Ha! I love the taco bell guy! I have never met a cockroach that I would let live, even if he was a cool surfer dude.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Very cute! sniff. And funny! LOL! And T's name is Tanya. Or Tonya. Not sure. And I'm here because I wrote 3,900 words today and I'm the man.

Tiffany said...

You are so clever. It really was a strange and wonderful day.

So said...

What a strangely beautiful day.

IWA said...

OMGoodness.... Im pretty sure I know that cashier....The last time i ordered from him... the last words out of my mouth included... mental cashier and poke your eyes out! heehee! I stole it that!

So im going to make sure that Danny boy see's this one... he's loves a goos SAT word of the day!
...undulating... Love it

I never say that I loved Utah when I lived, but one thing that it has over Hawaii is.... no Roaches creeping around your 20 degree house!

Mariko said...

I would like to take credit for undulating. I just can't believe a bunch of mormon kids have never heard the word! Do we live in a bubble or what?
Oh, I've been freezing too, and totally coveting Kristina P's wardrobe. Why do people not take us seriously about being cold?
Cold AND cockroaches? Totally not fair.
Man. You make waking up at 4 am sound fun. Can I come over and swat cockroaches too?

Sandi said...

someone tell me what undulated means.

T said...

Heidi... you're "the man"? - I really think you ought to stick with being a woman... I mean really - just the fear of someday being a bishop makes me glad that I'm a woman on a daily basis... well, 23 out of 30 days at least...

and yeah - it's Tonya - now don't you feel closer to me?

T said...

Undulate: to move in waves or with a smooth wavelike motion... to increase and decrease in volume or pitch as if in waves (I HOPE that's not what the cockroach was doing!)


and WV says "mused" - apparently I thought about that a long little while...

Melanie J said...

Yeah, that wave would have been that cockroaches last and only wave at my house.

So cool about your kid, though.

And about your daughter using undulating.

I love $2 words.

Jen said...

My useless knowledge thingy on my blog JUST told me that twenty percent (TWENTY PERCENT!!!) of adults have had a cockroach live in their ear.

As someone living sans cockroaches, I was wanting to share this with the world, but had no one to tell. So now I'm telling you. Because you've probably got a cockroach living in your ear RIGHT NOW!!!

(The WV says eneers. Seriously. As in "in your ears". This is a sign. Or a warning? You'd better heed it with all these cockroachy things going on around you...)

Lara said...

I almost didn't finish this post because it was going to be about cockroaches (ACK!), but I'm glad I did. I rather liked the paragraph your son read to you.

But, regarding the comment above mine...how could someone NOT REALIZE there is COCKROACH living in their EAR? Please tell me that statistic is impossible. Can't be true. Just can't. Gah.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

It's true! About the cockroaches. My husband is a P.A. and twice he's had to pull cockroaches out of people's ears. eeeewwww!

But they knew they were there!

I also once had a student write a paper about cockroaches (when I used to let them write whatever they wanted) and they love love love to snuggle and be warm. Since it's been so cold here lately . . .

Oh, and one more thing that will make you NOT Jealous of me anymore for living in Hawaii.

Head Lice.

ewwww. We call it ukus. It softens the stigma.

Our kids get it at least once a year. ewwwww!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Thanks for the bedtime story because I am having a hard time going to sleep, probably because I am out of my sleep aid medicine and I forgot to go to the pharmacy. So ewww to the cockroach and the head lice. And I feel your pain about the cold. I think it is the worst thing ever. You know what is great is hand warmers. Do you have any of those. They totally rock. Hope it warms up soon for you.

I am LoW said...

OhMY!!! I don't know, was this post unbelievably touching, or is it that I am about to have my.... comma? But seriously, I slightly teared up, b/c what your son found important to share would have made ME tear up if I were the parent, and... for the surfing cockroach?!?!

springrose said...

I just had to post again, I know no one is reading this now, except me, because I have to go to bed early so I always check the next day to see what I missed! Anyway, I had a friend that had a spider lay eggs in her ear, I started hurting and she didn't know why, then all this stuff started coming out of her ear, BABY SPIDERS!!!
This also reminds me of when our neighbors accross the street were asleep in bed one night and they felt somthing moving around, he thought it was her, she thought it was him. It was several and I mean several MICE!!! EWW NASTYNESS! I'm so glad I am up for the day and not trying to go to sleep after reading everyone elses comments!!

The Wixom Zoo said...

*shudder* Cockroaches??? I don't think that I could handle those - thank goodness I live somewhere too cold for them to survive! lol!

Jami said...

Hey beautiful! I won't tell your husband our little secret.

T said...

I've had an earache all week and now I won't be able to sleep until I've been to the doctor... thanks Jen...

and seriously - yearly head lice... once almost killed me (and certainly lost me a slew of followers on my blog!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

eewwwwwwwwwwwwwww about the baby spiders hatching in the ears. YIKERS! eeek! ack! UGH!

I'm going to sleep with ear plugs from now on.

And please don't tell my children this story. One of them has no filter for the power of suggestion. He wouldn't be able to sleep for a year at the thought of it. (btw, he takes after my mom)

Can I tell you about my first experience with ukus/HL (can't stand the words head and lice together--ewwwww) Can you say Post Traumatic Stress?

I had just come home from my 3 week stint as a human incubator of twins at the hospital. I'm recovering from an emergency c-section. I have two 2 lb baby boys in NICU that I need to go see and fret over ever day for 6 weeks. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 2 year old son who have been missing mommy, (and who have ungodly thick hair) and I have a mother(living with us at the time) who gets unnaturally FREAKED out about anything creepy or crawly, no matter how small.

Upon my return from the hospital my mom breaks it to me that my daughter has a very severe case of the dreaded ukus.

I sighed and cried and tried to muster enough energy and fortitude to go through the process of combing and shampooing everything and everyone in the house--3 times--INCLUDING CARPETS. We washed pillowcases, sheets, towels, clothing. We sprayed the furniture down with RAID. We showered with pestisides. We boiled our brushes, combs and toothbrushes in RID.

Oh my poor hair (and teeth). It was already coming out in droves after the pregnancy. And after weeks of this, my mom swore we STILL had ukus. OH MOM!!! Oh MOM!!! She really did believe those ukus had superpowers and could live through the hell, fire and damnation we inflicted upon them. She even swore on the Book of Mormon that she saw them with her own eyes (and a magnifying glass)climbing back out of the drain in the tub and pointing and laughing at her.

Was that TMI?

My mom doesn't read my blog anymore because I'm too honest and deceptive for her, but I know she will read it today. I just know it. And I know she will even read every comment. I just know it.

SIGH!

It was very traumatic for her. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks she still has them even though she put her head in a deep freezer for 24 hours.

Anywho, after she left we found a cute homeless cat and all of her kittens curled up in our storage room in the garage. Oh how cute. NOT. They had the worst infestation of fleas known to man. OMGOSH! It was the worst year of my life. I'm actually sobbing right now just thinking of it.

We went broke trying to get rid of those fleas and we all looked like we had leprosy.

Ain't ya glad ya don't live in paradise. It has it's price. And we do pay it.

I'm betting I lose a few followers today.

OH WELL! What the helk!

Verifier says gleswort. hee hee hee

I love my verifier.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Does anyone else feel kinda . . . itchy?

CaJoh said...

I like the way you tie it all together with the undulating cockroach— not sure if I ever saw one undulate, just scurry.

nevadanista said...

Oh man, how do you pound out such great posts day after day? It's a gift...down to the last word.

Jami said...

Yes, terribly itchy! Did you read my head lice post awhile back? Olive oil it's the only way.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I'm both disgusted and touched by this post. :)