Thursday, February 12, 2009

Crash Test Granny

I'd like to apologize to Karen @ Now Don't Get Me Started, for tricking her into reading my blog yesterday.

My title, I'm a Grandma! may have been a teensy bit deceptive.

I lured Karen in and she wasn't prepared when I pounced on her and cried, "The better to eat you with my dear!"

Maybe I should post a disclaimer at the top of this blog that says:

You see Karen, I take my responsibility to help you guys maneuver this slippery slope called life very seriously. Sometimes that requires object lessons. Sometimes that requires trickery and tom-foolery.

I'll do what it takes. I'm that committed.

I do solemnly swear, on my honor, to share my attitudes AND my platitudes till death do us part. Amen!

In fact, allow me to share a few right now while I'm in the zone: You all know it's a hard-knock life, right! But did you know that the sun doesn't always come out tomorrow? (unless you live in Hawaii).

And did you know you can be fully dressed without a smile? I've tried it successfully several times. (But you can't be fully undressed without a smile.)

Don't believe everything you see/hear/read, peeps! Life will trick you, taunt you and tease you. Life will poke you in the eye.

What kind of dummy would I be if I sent you out into the world unprepared for these realities?

Do you get me?

Oh, btw, speaking of realities, who wants to hear the fortune cookie update, raise your hand.

Or would you rather just see which fortune cookies actually came true? Huh? Huh? Huh?

(Don't forget to add the special subliminal ending when you say it. That's what the ancient Chinese did.)

P.S. Anjeny added some fabric for The Magic Quilt. Go check it out.


Sandi said...


Sandi said...


Sandi said...

So I wonder if I should just start blabbing where I left off from the last post. I wonder where Kritta is? I hope she made it to her appt. in time. I love the fortune cookies-I think I opened one the other day that said "some dummy will eventually poke you in the eye" Yep I am pretty sure that is what it said. Thanks for teaching us all these life lessons Miss Granny!

T said...

I love the marriage fortune cookie!

WV says "fechi" - it apparently learned to swear in Utah too...

Jessica said...

I'm a lurker/follower. I love your happy blog. I feel the sunshine everytime I read it. (I live in Seattle, I need sun.) Anyway, my brother lives in Honolulu. He got married in October. I got to visit your naked temple before it was naked. (I must say I'm glad it's getting some new duds. It was in need of some love!) Anyway, he didn't get married there, but I hope he makes it there someday.

If you ever see him, please be his friend. He needs to come back to church and his new wife needs to join. She is awesome. Here's their wedding site so you can look for them.
He has two girls that need to go to primary.

I know you stalk Jack Johnson. Maybe you could stalk and befriend my brother.

Thanks for the sunshine,

P.S. He does drywall if you know anyone who needs a remodel.

Melanie J said...

I love tomfoolery. The way it looks, the way it feels, the way it sounds.


April said...

The Office quoted Forrest Gump tonight....{gasp}...HOW DID YOU DO THAT????

T said...

CRAP! April just made me realize I missed the Office - what the helk was I doing??? oh yeah... stamp party... grrr...

Heidi Ashworth said...

What's up with google today? It's like they didn't post posts until posting them all tonight--it's like posters heaven.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Sandi, so glad to see that you have learned from me about just posting one word to get in there before Kristina. Way to go girl.

I am with Melanie, I love Tom foolery also, and I love my brother Tom who had a birthday recently.

But what I really like is hijinks. Anyone know where I can get some great ideas for hijinks? Crash can you push on my head please? And could you hold it under water until all my angst is gone? Thanks.

One more day of being an out of the house working mom, then I can go back to being a working at home mom/medical rehabilitationist.

My word verifier is elitersh. Sheesh is it trying to tell me something.

IWA said...

Im sooooo ashamed.... LOL! No really I am.... hehe!

You know I wasn't always like this.. I was the over achieving, always answering questions, sitting in the front row, smiling big making the teacher worried about why i was smiling sooo big kind of student!

but now... im in my worst school funk i have ever been in and I cant get out! well that and i thought i was on georgie's page confessing!

I told danny boy you were upset with us... he said he would love to meet you in person...

i told him your already married and very devoted to your hubby... he said he is going to create a blog so he can read your thoughts whenever he wants...

i told him he really needs to start dating people in the real world!

Sorry danny boy.. totally gave you up... now we'll have to sneak in here on the DL!

WV says "socio".... oh no it can read my mind too!

so granny...have you started to teach the baby sign language?

Jen said...

I just wanted to totally agree with your undressed/smile thing. Never thought about it, but you are so incredibly RIGHT!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Verifier says oventory. How crazy. Not inventory, but oventory. I think the universe is sending me a huge hint that I should be spending more time in the kitchen.

Okay, first things first. Tell Danny boy I'm totally cool with him keeping crush on crash, as long as he doesn't tell anyone. And tell him not to change his name to Jack because that might be too much temptation for me.

Jessica, WELCOME WELCOME! Is your brother's name Jack? Because that would make it way easier for me to stalk him and reconvert him. I will channel the universe and as her to throw your brother in my path. Maybe he could show up at my daughter's next soccer game.

OMGOSH, I miss The Office tonight because I was helping my daughter babysit her new brainchild. She is so excited about this new little one. She is the best mom ever. It's so fun.


Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I loved the Forrest Gump poster. You should have it framed. Crash without you around we would have no one to keep us in line!
BTW, I don't know if I know your real name and if I did I don't think I could call you it. I like Crash, don't know why but it sounds like a cool name. Call me Crash, just Crash.

Anjeny said...

I love your first and last fortune cookies. I don't like the second cookie because YOU will sleep like a log while I will sleep like a board.

Sandi, way to go girl!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I'm baaaaack!

Sandi, ha ha ha. What a prophetic fortune cookie you read. You're so funny, girlfriend. How did you like The Office tonight. Which Forrest Gump quote did they use? Is your daughter okay?

April, missed you last night.

T, how cute to think of you stamping it up. You, Anjeny and Swirl would get along great.

NHC, Can't wait until you're a stay at home rehabilitator again. I REFUSE to push on your head until the angst is gone. Are you okay, girlfriend. Do you need us to throw you a pity party? Let's all go to a chick flick together. Who's in? I vote for Sisterhood of the Traveling Quilt.

Jen, hee hee. Thanks.

Andrea, YES, you can call me Crash, just Crash. (That's what I'm going to say when I meet Danny Boy.)

Hi Anjeny! G'night. May you sleep like a board tonight. Here's my fortune to you: "You will not be bored (in bed)"

Mariko said...

I can't remember what this post is about. Something about red riding hood eating fortune cookies with a guy named Jack.

I'm not a concert pianist because I'm just not that good. I was my teacher's worst student (she had concert pianists under her) and I was also the oldest. The fact that she even took me on was a miracle. It was kind of humiliating to have 6 year olds playing 30 minute long Chopin masterpieces and then ME. Anyway, it's no wonder I'm a master at wasting time now, is there? I suppose one could wonder about anything. From what I understand, you guys have your own grueling schedule going yourselves. Did she also mentioned I skipped class ALL the TIME? Seriously. I sat in the cafeteria and did my homework all day sometimes.

Martha said...

So I'm wondering about IWA's pedegogy class where she reads your blogs. Does she walk by the front desk of the school of ed? I'm going to look for her from now on.

Kritta22 said...

Oh I'm here again!

Thank you Sandi! I did make it to my appt on time. Exactly on time.

And I was babysitting. Our friends were getting sealed today and I was watching the kiddos. I love doing that kind of service. It makes my heart happy.

Kritta22 said...

Our temple isn't naked. It's too cold to go naked around here.

Things freeze and fall off.

Kritta22 said...


Crash you better get in the kitchen!

JustRandi said...

I love the fortune cookies! You've got some special skilz there!

Sandi said...

The used the "life is like a bunch of chocolates" but the real highlight was Angela cleaning her cats...auuugh!!
daughter and car are both fine, thanks:)

nevadanista said...

OMGosh! I think the universe was telling you with the word verifier (oventory) that my oven stopped working last night. I used that as an excuse to not cook anything at all, even though the stove top works, and went to Panda Express for dinner. And then I when I opened my fortune cookie I thought of you. But I didn't add the subliminal ending when I read it aloud to my girls. I just thought it in my mind. True story.

Oh, my firtune was

You will seek new friendships and find them...

nevadanista said...

Dang! I just hate it when I don't read my comment and hit spell check before posting :)

word verifier: valbacal :D

Sandi said...

Hey Martha! KK is going to go to the school of ed- will you be extra nice to her to make up for the torture that the chun has put her through?

Youngblood4ever said...

Wew! Thanks for the profound insight. Now, I think I am ready to go outside and face the world (or maybe just stay inside, in my sweat and blog about pretended to go out and face the world).

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Youngblood, I am so happy I could help you pretend to go out and face the world today. My job is done.

Verifier says mingsins

As opposed to xingsins and tangsins.

I thought we weren't s'pose to be punished for the transgressions of our ancient Chinese ancestors.

Mariko, I can't remember what your comment was about. Something to do with 6 year old Chopins skipping class to eat lunch all day.

Karen said...

s'alright. You fooled me. But it WILL NOT happen again!! (until next time cause I really am very gullible.)

Tiffany said...

you are just so funny. Love your guts. We gotta chat sometime soon. I need to figure out our past history together. I am still in touch with mike hugo. He is heading up our website for our class of 89. It is
If you wanna see a pic of him and his family.

Martha said...

If KK has Chun's class then she probably has to go to the gym for that. I definately feel for her. I happen to speak from experience. She was my tennis coach for 4 mega long years. Luckily, she still likes me (because I lost weight, she has a thing against fat people) and I subbed for her tennis class. Then I ended up getting my own tennis class, because all her students liked me better.

But I do work in the school of ed and sometimes I sit at the front desk, so tell Kasey to say hello to me because I'm not sure who she is.