Thursday, February 19, 2009

Are you keeping the girly code?

Mariko told me I should write something new--as opposed to glamming up something old--for publication in the college literary magazine here at BYU-H.

NO, Mariko, NO!

I need to finish 40 essays and topic proposals TODAY. Plus my brain is clogged with History Day details because both my daughter and my son are performing on Saturday for the district competition.

Do you guys know what a performance requires? Props, set, costumes, practice and lots and lots of chips and salsa.

HOWEVER, I do have a stash of fresh unseen material in my draft box.

Guess how many stinkin' drafts I have in that stinkin' box?


(What the what?) Most of them are total junk, so I tossed them, but I did find about 10 nearly complete posts that are worthy of hitting the front page today.

I might as well post some of them while I'm waiting for the plumber to come unclog my brain.

Which one do you want first? The one with the actions shots of my MIL swatting a fly? Or the one of my husband diagnosing my Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder? Or how about the one where I show you why I'm so lucky to live Laie?

(I may hold off on that one until spring seeing as some of you are sensative to sunshine right now and I am sensative to getting smacked around in my comment box.)

I think I will post the one about the girly code today. Let's see if you're keeping the girly code.

This post was practically plagiarized from my students (past and present). I didn't even embellish a single line.

(btw, I've been dying to tell you all about my students this semester because they are so uber awesome. I have photos to prove it.)

Today, however, you'll have to settle for their collective oddity.

This post was originally written on October 8th while reading A Doll's House with my Fall semester class. Since I am now reading A Doll's House with my winter semester class, it seems fitting:


Are you keeping the girly code?

This morning my twins were going to a birthday party. I didn't have any wrapping paper so we had to wrap their gifts with white tissue paper and lime green ribbon.

"It looks so girly!" said the first twin.

"What can we do to make it look more manly?" I said.

"Fart on it," said the second twin.

(ooooh, I hate that word).

But my boys love it.

My daughter has of late been telling me how much she wishes she was a boy. Why? Because boys have it easy. And they have all the fun. They don't have to learn how sew and cook at Young Women's. They get to play basketball or cops and robbers or set up a skate park in the cultural hall.
Plus they get to pass the sacrament and become bishops.
I've never actually ever wanted to pass the sacrament or be a bishop.

But I have always been curious about men/women roles and we talk about it a bit in my English class. I always give an in-class writing assignment where I ask my students to complete the following sentences:

A good wife should always _______ and a good mother should never _________.

There are plenty of predictable answers, but the unpredictable ones are more fun.

(Keep in mind these are the REAL opinions of REAL students.)

*I placed asterisks by the codes I have broken.
A good wife should always . . .
  • let her husband drive*
  • cook yummy food*
  • use less emotion*
  • shave her legs daily*
  • bring not just a half, but a whole person to the relationship*
  • be fun to be around*
  • allow animals in the house*
  • specialize in her profession as a wife*
  • be happy, grateful, patient*
  • be honest, cheerful, friendly *

A good mother should never . . .

  • starve her children*
  • get in other people's business*
  • feel obligated to join the PTA*
  • put her children in daycare
  • tell her daughter how to act*
  • embarrass her son in front of his friends***
  • be impatient*
  • eat a lot*
  • complain*
  • get mad/argue*
  • dress weird*
  • max out the credit cards
  • be lazy*
  • drink alcohol, (at least not in front of the children)
  • tell the truth about Santa Claus*
  • keep secrets*
  • give bad advice*
  • be unprepared*
  • ask too much*
  • ask too little*
  • let her children cross the road alone********

If I have broken most of these girly commandments, does that mean I can pass the sacrament and be a Bishop?


nevadanista said...

So impressive that you've never maxed out the credit cards!

nevadanista said...

Whoa, where's Kristina? It's weird being first. Is everyone else having a life at the moment except me?

nevadanista said...

Okay, being a Bishop sounds like the worst possible thing ever!!!!!!!!!!! Listening to everyone's problems and not being able to blab about them to anyone. No thank you.

Heidi Ashworth said...

WHO has been smacking you around in your comment box? Let me at 'em! (I would go read and find out for myself but there are more blogs to read before I sleep).

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Nevada.

Let's just say Kristina P may not be around for a while. I had to put out a restraining order on her as she threatened me something fierce for giving her serotonin.

(j/k kp)

Mariko said...

Well, sheesh. You never told me you had drafts.
I've never had to max out my credit cards because they give me such a high limit. YEAH!
Doesn't your daughter know that boys have to be in scouts? Scouting is LAME. She should be so happy that she's a girl now.

Mariko said...

Well, I tell you, if you had let them come to school you wouldn't have needed to make chips and salsa.
You don't need to finish those essays today. Take a tip from me and hang onto them until everyone has moved onto something else and you have to grade that instead.

The Wixom Zoo said...

Oh man, I flunked for sure! You clearly can't get an 'A' in life if you break all but 3 or 4 of the girly commandments! Crum, crum CRUM!
Oh well, I still have chocolate, right?

Anjeny said...

I can see I am clearly in the wrong place. I need to hang up my pretend apron and get out of the kitchen because I totally suck at this domestic stuff. I break every single one of those things you listed, I am even on the verge of maxing out my credit cards.

Oh yeah, congrats on your kids making the district. Do you really have that many drafts? I need to break into your draft box and steal some..LOL.

Nevada chick, way to go on being first. And I am with ya, being a bishop is the worst thing far as I can tell, once you're a bishop, you might as well tell everyone you are family less..LOL.

Have you guys, I mean gals, seen how many comments Kristina get in her comment box each time she posts? No wonder she doesn't come back to check up on the comments in here. Crash, I think you can make a whole post about her snuggi and she wouldn't even notice..LOL.

I am LoW said...

haha!! I love it!!

T said...

If it means I have to be a bishop I'm going to start keeping that girly code... I think I've broken all the ones you did... plus one...

I want to hear about attention deficit domestic disorder next - because that is probably what I have, I just never had a name for it before...

Martha said...

One thing that is good about being a girl is you can sorta act like a boy (I happen to have a daughter like that) and it's ok. But, if you're a boy and you act like a girl....well, that is not cool. So girls kinda have it better that way and they can pick and choose which girly things they like and get rid of the rest (get rid of the Barbies).

I'm a little concerned that the star of our bball team might not be there on Sat. because of this History Day thing. Why couldn't we have played Chad's team then? I think his team actually got worse, I had to really hold in the giggles last night watching how bad their team was. Oh, I forgot Colleeen reads this. Colleen's son was the most handsome one there for sure.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

We've broken all the same rules and kept the same ones too! HA!

Love to hear naive college kids answers to these questions. Makes me want to poke them in the eye.

Sandi said...

Well lets see, I guess I am good to go on the alcohol and PTA ones. Yep thats it. I stink!

Sandi said...

Add 2 more codes for Anjeny because she said the F word and refused to hide the camel toe..hahahahahah augh haha Anjeny cracks me up!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

That was a hilarious post. And I am strangely excited to see the action shots of your MIL swatting a fly. Too random and funny for words girl :)

Jen said...

This high schoolers make fun of me because I won't let them use the f.a.r.t. word.

And because I call it the f.a.r.t. word.

But I can't help it. I HATE that word. It is such an ugly, unfeminine word, that I hereby state that no mother (or father/son/daughter) should ever use the f.a.r.t. word.

(And I know I'm alone on this one, but that's okay - I'm used to it).

Sandi said...

and I am on pins and needles wondering what the what that domestic deficit disorder is all about....

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Sorry, Jen! Totally used the F.A.R.T word in my post today. Hate the word too, but fit the situation. Sorry!

Jillybean said...

And thanks to you, I now have a diagnosis for my problem.

Attention Deficit Domestic Disorder!

I'm assuming there is no cure, so I can continue blogging instead of washing the huge pile of dishes in the sink.

You might have all of your sandy beaches and sunshine and waves and stuff, but those of us who are currently freezing get to eat BBQ with Kristina P. on Saturday.

Be jealous. Be very jealous.

And I don't think Kristina would really hurt you that bad. She would probably just whip you with her ShamWow or smother you with her snuggie.
Or make you eat Chacon. (which strangely enough, isn't all that bad)

Jillybean said...

And we don't use the F. A. R. T. word in our house. Around here we "toot"

val of the south said...

My name is Val and I don't like the F.A.R.T. word either.

I did really well at curbing my kids from saying it until we came to Utah and these darn public school kids seem to think it's perfectly acceptable language! Imagine that!

And I have failed miserably with the girly code! I'm going to ask my kids to fill in those blanks and see what they say - I can't even begin to imagine!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Kids say the darndest things, don't they?

val of the south said...

And I pick A.D.D.D. for your next post. I do believe I also suffer from this disorder, and it would be great to finally have it diagnosed! Will there be therapy and support groups?

You really are a full service blogger - what with the girly code and the seratonin and the new disorders - Thanks!!

wv - hydame

I don't think anyone has ever called me dame before - thanks word verifier!

Barbaloot said...

K-so history day sounds totally cool. Shut up, I am not a nerd.
Also, when I was FHE mom (death to that calling) I would organize cops and robbers games. You're never too old (or too girly) for that one.

Barbaloot said...

And I'm totally with you and Jen on the yucky F word. Unlike every single one of my brothers... sickos.

iMaLLheaRt said...

I love this one. YOU crack me up! I look forward to reading your blog! Thanks for all the fun reads!!

nevadanista said...

Wait a minute - we have to spell out the F.A.R.T word, but we can actually say camel toe?

Anjeny said...

LOL Sandi...I just knew you would find more stuff to add on to her already long list..eheheh. You're going to make Crash thinks I like the F.A.R.T word.

April said... really shouldn't write "yucky F" word together....I was glancing through and shouted, WHAT THE WHAT is going on here?

And I can GUARANTEE that EVERY mom here has had alcohol in front of their kid if they have had Nyquil for a cold!!! HA!!! Put an asterisk by that one Crash!

We weren't allowed to have Nyquil or say the F word in our house growing up how things have changed! hahahaha!!!

April said...

Oh...and I know ALL about "not maxing out the credit card". You spread it out between a couple! That's your trick....isn't it Crash!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah

I'm ROTFLOL at all of you but I'm too tired to go reply.

Gotsta teach my early morning class so I'm zonking.

But ha ha ha April. You're just trying to make sure I'm the worst mother of the year ain't ya. hee hee

You're probably right. That's what's so funny!

You girls . . .

The Crash Test Dummy said...

April, let's just say I HAVE maxed out the credit card, but NEVER in front of the kids.

And I never take my alcohol in front of the kids either. Especially not my rubbing alcohol.

Kritta22 said...

Oh my eyeballs hurt from the laughter tears!

You girls just crack me up!

Kritta22 said...

Fart better or worse than poop.

I'm okay with both words. but not camel foot...that's never good, no matter what! :)

Kritta22 said...

Oh Crash your WV is saying bad words!!

weena- Mom, that boy has a weena! :)

Kritta22 said...

The best wife should always have clean bathrooms and the best mother should never leave her kid in the car.

Crap. I stink.

Wait....what about crap? Is that better or worse than poop? Or fart?

I'm so out of the bad word loop.

Kritta22 said...

What's this ADDD? It sounds like something I might have.

Is it helped by chocolate and a whole pan full of brownies?

I'm in.

Kritta22 said...

Well now I"m out cuz I'm tired and have a 1.5 year old that has been getting up at 6am. yuck.

IWA said...

Sorry to say, But you cant be Bishop... Dont you know that the Bishops Kids are always the worst kids in the ward (well thats what i was always told when my father was bishop).... and since T and the boys are so perfect you would never be put in that position! (with the one exception of your son praying for football in church! heehee!)

While i was reading the entry today, black eyed peas, "Where is the love" came on... i just laughed and laughed and laughed.. not at you of course.. i just couldn't believe it was part of your playlist! When my kids push me to the edge, I crank up that song and sing it to no end!

Love todays entry!

IWA said...

So i went back and read all the comments and I am still laughing.... all you girls are just way to funny!

Btw where is funny farmer.. she's a Sister Bishop.. im sure she could vouch that you don't want to be a bishop!

i was in a tie of which entry you should use as your magazine article but how about you submit your comment box! LOL!

Todays comments made this entry a true winner! Is there somewhere we can vote on this?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha Iwa, you're so right. The comment box wins, hands down.

And SERIOUSLY, my comment box says stopit.

ha ha ha ha

Kritta STOPIT right now! ha ha ha

All of you just stopit!!!

I don't know where Funny Farmer is, but I wish she'd come back. I miss that chick something fierce.

Okay, it's 4:18 a.m. I'm up early to finish grading. I gotsta go!


Barbaloot said...

April---I know. I realized it looked totally bad when I posted it. But I didn't wanna write it out. Next time I won't capitalize.

Youngblood4ever said...

How absolutely cool are you? Do you realize that you have totally made my day, my week, my year, heck my bloglife by having me as your follower of the week. WOOHOO!

Oh, just to let you know...I have overcome my inner crafter. I totally knocked her out in the second round. She was totally down for the count. Not sure when she will rear her crazy little head again!

Since you linkied me I am entering you in my contest. Have you checked it out?

OMGosh! Hey, so proud of you on the 3 "mother shouldn'ts" that you haven't done! Way to be a wonderful mom. I have to laugh because as I was reading it I was thinking "aren't those things I read mothers SHOULD do in the mommy handbook of instructions? Like embarrass your son in front of his friends! That is in the first chapter. I am pretty sure it is like the first paragraph even!

Is this comment long enough yet? I could go on. But I won't.

Melanie J said...

You have fifty drafts?! What the what?! I have zero. I bleed my stupid posts out on a day-by-day basis.

♥georgie♥ said...

so are there *'s by all those? LOL

sara said...

I always miss out when you guys have these charming conversations in your comment box. shucks!
Not only have I maxed out my credit cards, but I had the waiter bring it back to ask me if I had another one. Talk about embarrassing!
In my opinion, and that's the only one that counts, a good Mom should always blog instead of doing housework, and a good mom should never cook something that didn't come from a box.

robin said...

I have to say that the Bishop's kids being the worst kids doesn't wash. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to and THEN SOME. (I probably need therapy for that)

Oh wait... I'm Crash's resident social worker so I'll just give therapy to myself. hahahahaha!!!!

robin said...

I find it funny to hear replacement words for the dreaded bodily function we all hate but men find so funny (my husband and brother especially). In our house the replacement word is "TOOT".

Jami said...

Is the phrase "stinky bubbles" better than the f word?

SWIRL said...

Crash- too too funny!
why is F*A*R*T so dang funny to boys? I was trying to take a picture of son#2 and he was giving me a very staged/strange expression... and I said.. "No - I want a smile.. like if someone Farted... " (it was an unexpected request) and he gave me the best expression- pure laughter!

ewww.. gross. The levels I have had to stoop to!