Monday, February 16, 2009


Aloha Peeps!

Guess where I was all weekend!

I was valentine-ing in a luxury hotel with my hub and my cubs on the other side of the island.

Neither my husband or I can take credit for planning the delightful weekend, we were merely the benefactors of a dear friend's romantic misfortunes.

In short, our dear friend was handed lemons, which he passed on to us to make s'mores.

Is it bad that I had a delightful time making s'mores out of our dear friend's lemons?

Would it make it any better if I said it wasn't all delightful, it was also little bit insightful?

Remember in my last post I confessed that I am, as of late, a non-functioning non-depressive. (I can't seem to get anything done, even though I'm emotionally fine and dandy.)

(Of course I blame this--and all of my other problems--on my hair, because taming the shrew takes a lot of energy).

If you too are suffering in silence as a non-functioning non-depressive, here's a mind blowing tip: Go chillax in a luxury hotel. There's no functioning required in a luxury hotel. The whole concept is set up so as to allow you to be non-functional.

It's pure genius!

Besides this insightful epiphany, I was also able to confront and embrace three truths about myself while chillaxin at the luxury hotel.

Truth #1: So I ain't gots no class (DEAL WITH IT!)

Truth #2: So I ain't gots no shiny straight hair (DEAL WITH IT!)

Truth #3: So I ain't gots to spill truth #3 cuz it ain't none of your beeswax! (DEAL WITH IT!)

(It's really liberating to confront and embrace truths.)

I have had issues with truth #1 for a long long time--ever since my MIL made me pull a ratty cooler full of POP, as she calls it, through the lobby of this very same hotel several years ago. (Note: This very same hotel where we've sat poolside with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.)

I have an aversion to looking like trailer trash around beautiful rich people. I think it may have something to do with my inner wounded child being dropped off at school in a station wagon held together with duct tape.

But this weekend I realized that class is a state of mind.

So what if I don't have dazzling diamond necklaces dripping into enthusiastic bronze cleavage!

So what if my kids sneak their own Ritz crackers and bite-size Snicker bars to the pool while I'm drooling on the lounge chairs!

So what if my boys do Nacho Libre leaps through the lobby and stop, drop and roll into the elevators!

So what if we eat at Burger King on valentines day with the other two lame-o couples on the island!

Truthfully, I don't eat there for the food, I eat there for the wrappers. Have you ever read the wrappers at Burger King?


Sometimes I order everything on the menu just to read the hee-sterical descriptions of each food item.

When I grow up I want to write for Burger King. Either that or I want to marry the writer for Burger King so he can make me laugh AND make me feel like I'm having it my way. (Such an attractive quality in a man.)

To our credit, we also took our kids to Chilis for the all-you-can-eat chips and salsa.

Again, I don't go to Chilis for the food, I go for their playlist. They really know how to pump up the jam, especially in their restrooms, which I personally think is a brilliant idea.

Yesterday my husband asked me why I was spending so much time in the restroom and I told him I thought I might have the stomach flu, but actually I was listening to the Counting Crows and Foo Fighters.

But shucks, I digress.

More about my delightful insightful weekend tomorrow. For now I gotsta go pretend to be functional.



Amanda said...

1st :)

Kristina P. said...

Oh my. I have boycotted Chilis for about 4 years, and I have been seeing their commercial lately, and realized I need their food. We may go today. Or not. I'll let you know if I still want to throw up when I go there.

Amanda said...

welcome back...I envy your Valentine weekend and I don't see a thing wrong with having a great time while others are sucking lemons.

Barbaloot said...

Love the thought of your kids Nacho Libre jumping through the lobby. Sounds like something my brothers would do. Actually, one time one of them busted out the 'Incarnacion' song at karaoke. A capella of course:)

Barbaloot said...

Oh-and glad you got to take a luxury break:)

Heidi Ashworth said...

For your info, it IS pop. What's this soda stuff? (my parents are from the midwest--so sue me!)(ergh, it always take me at least twice to get through your word verifier--it's like it's out to get me! right now it says: bcomink, as in, becoming, but becoming what?)

Jen said...

Okay, in the Northwest (at least in MY neck of the NW) we call it POP too. When I say "soda" I feel like I'm pretending to be something I'm not, because it sounds like such a sophisticated term.

So you must be really sophisticated.

And admit it. In the 80's, when my straight hair stunk, your hair rocked! All I have to say, is for every hair there is a season...

val of the south said...

It's soda people!! (Though here in Utah it seems to be pop - so I am in the minority! I asked a question at Carl's Jr. about soda and the dude didn't know what I was talking about!!)

My sister once took my dad and I to a very fancy schmancy hotel in Beverly Hills that she'd won in an auction - and we pull up to have them valet park our beat up volvo and procede to carry our pillows up to the room - my sister could have died!

Glad you had a great time! Welcome back!!

Lara said...

I used to call it pop, but now I call it soda. Not sure why...perhaps I gained some class?

Sounds like a lovely getaway!

T said...

I love the BK wrappers... never eat their food - but their wrappers are hilarious!

and I'm voting for Soda... though yes, Val and I are the Utah minority... I just can't seem to say "pop" without following "pop, fizz, fizz" in my mind...

My hair? umm... my big eighties hair has been tamed - but trust me, there has to be a better way to do it than getting REALLY sick and losing 1/2 your hair :)

Musings of the Mrs. said...

Yay for you. Aren't vacations in fancy places near home amazing? No long airport lines, no planes, just vacation. I also have unruly hair, especially while living in Hawaii, so I'm with ya there sista. But I forgot about it for the whole 5 years, stuck it in a ponytail, and whooped it up at every beach on the island. And also, class in Hawaii is way overrated. In my humble (and slippah wearing) opinion. Glad you had a great Valentines day.

sara said...

Wow, the fanciest hotel I've stayed at is the Holiday Inn Express - and that's because my company was paying. I'm a comfort Inn and Suites kind of girl. Glad you were able to cash in on someone else's lemons. I had a roommate once who used to say that if she was having a crappy day then it meant that someone else was having a great day in order for the universe to balance itself out.
Looks like that was the case with you guys.

springrose said...

I have to agree with Jen, In Idaho it is pop. I to feel like I am trying to be something I'm not when I call it soda. But when in doubt call it soda pop. Then you have all states covered and all will know what you mean!! Love the vacation, I could imagine myself right there by the pool with you! Only no kids ;0)

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

Good for you getting to have a wonderful time. Chilis does have good music come to think of

Welcome back ;)

Mariko said...

I've totally boycotted Chilis as well. Sorry. But I did not check out their playlist very thoroughly. I may have to try again.
I say 'Pop', not because I was from the little house on tv generation, but because I'm from Oregon and everyone darn well knows that soda is soda water, which is just nasty. I always think people are playing a joke on me when they tell me they like that stuff. It tastes like salty bubbles. First off, I don't even like the bubbles, and they are only sometimes bearable as sugar. When I was little I used to purposely leave an open can of pop in the fridge so I could have flat soda.
Anywho, I have a music suggestion. Mason Jennings. You should check him out. He's also an amazing essayist.
I also have a musical suggestion: Once. Watch it. Now. (this is what I tell everyone about this movie, but it's still true.) It's rated R because he says "Falk" several times, in his cute Irish accent. It took me the whole movie to figure out he was supposed to be swearing. Isn't it so cute when Irish people swear? But yeah. Nothing else makes it R. They also have it at cleanflix if you're so inclined.

So said...

I'm dealing with it. Not very well but I'm dealing.

I would love some time at a fancy shmancy hotel!

April said...

It was pop where I grew up....Canada. And we have grocery bags, not sacks. Every time I here sack I think of a guy getting put to the ground, and not in a good way! Sorry! No fancy shmancy here! I still giggle at bad words!

TuTu's Bliss said...

Keep the diamonds I just want some enthusiastic cleavage!!! Do they make a cream for that?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

YAY AMANDA! Good job, girl. You beat Kristina P by 2 minutes.

I can say YAY because I know Kristina P never comes back to check comments. We can say whatever we want about her.

Doesn't Kristina P. wear that Snuggi everyday? I swear I saw her wearing that same Snuggi yesterday. I bet she doesn't even wash it.

OMGOSH, Kristina P. If if you did come back I would tell you that I totally DID feel like throwing up after eating at Chilis.

Amanda, Ha ha ha ha I was lol when I read what you said about having a great time while others are sucking on lemons. ha hahaha I'm LOL again. Nicely put.

Barb, feel totally close to you now that I know your brothers sing incarnation in public.

I'm completely stunned by how many of you think it's POP! it's SODA! My goodness, where's you're class, peeps???? What's, uh, the dealio!

It's not a bad thing to pretend to be something you're not. I do it all the time and it works for me.

Val, high five. I can tell you're a class act by your profile pic.

My husband asked if we should take sleeping bags for the kids and I was like, OH NO, YOU DON'T. Unless I can shove it into my fake Gucci luggage it's not rolling across the lobby with me!

I ended up taking my fake Walmart luggage. I forgot that I don't have fake Gucci.

Oh and the kids ended up sleeping on the floor wrapped in bath towels.

Better than being embarrassed.

T, do tell about you getting really sick. Are you okay? I must find out ASAP!

If any of you are really sick, you must let me know ASAP. I can't stand to be insensitive and oblivious, though I know I mostly am.

I'll be back to finish responding in a sec!

Kritta22 said...

It's POP!! Soda is baking soda.

I missed the Chili's did I miss the CHili's part. I'll be back!

Kritta22 said...

Why don't you eat the food at Chili's or The King??

Are you too good for the food? :)

Kritta22 said...

When we go to Chili's (cuz it's my fave restaurant), we order dessert first. The chocolate Molten cake.

We tried, like normal people, to eat dessert last but we just go it to-go cuz we were too full. They totally jip you. The cake is cold, not as much ice cream and the chocolate sauce doesn't melt right.

SOOOO....we eat dessert first and our dinner second. Cuz you can always heat your cheesey chicken-y goodness up for lunch!

Kritta22 said...

AND our Chili's is right next to the temple....can you say date night?

Kritta22 said...

So anyway my favorite fast food is Carl's Jr. Have you had their guac burger?? YUMMM!!

Am I totally showing my class here?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay I'm back. And Kritta I DO eat the food at Chili's and the King, but I do love that BK writer. I'm betting it's Tamn who writes all those clever BK wrappers. And I do love that Chili's plays their playlist extra loud in the bathrooms.

What's your favorite entree' at Chilis? Inquiring minds need to know. I LOVE their chips and salsa.

Tutu, I laughed so hard at your comment. NO, they don't make a cream for enthusiastic cleavage. I've looked. Some cleavage is just born lazy. They need an attitude adjustment.

So, ha ha. I'm glad you're dealing.

Mariko, I hate soda water. But soda is soda. Sorry all you western staters. Let's hear what Emily and Alyson have to say. I will check out your music suggestion and your movie too. I love rated R movies with cute Irish swear words.

Springrose, is your secret out yet? Or are we still on the downlow?

Sara, I'm going to have a talk with the universe about balance. I don't think anyone should be happy at someone else's expense.

Mrs. (who muses) Where did you live for 5 years? Do I know you? huh? huh? huh? I hope so because you so understand my plight. The pony tail kinda works, but then there is still the problem of my big bangs.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kritta. I like Carl J too. I like Jack in the Box better.

For some odd reason, whenever I go to Jack in the Box I want to order their tacos even though I hate them. I hate them and yet I love them. I crave them when I see them and I can't get them off my mind, but then I don't enjoy their taste. It's weird.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I probably like Jack in the Box better than Carl's Jr. because Jack is a way better name than Carl. Carl is a whimpy name.

Sorry, all you Carls out there.

Kritta22 said...

My dad's name is Karl but it's spelt with a K so maybe that's more manly?

I like the burgers at Carl's Jr better than all fo them.

Have you read springrose's blog lately?

Kritta22 said...

I think the best fast food would be:

McD's fries, Carls Jr burger, McD's orange pop and Jack in the Crack's dessert. How about you?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I feel totally cheated because I tried to comment back when there were only 7 comments and due to a computer malfunction, it didn't work. Curses.

And now I don't even remember what I was trying to say.

And Kritta way to think about the dessert first thing. In fact I like to eat dessert for breakfast, because what if I get hit by a bus during the day and don't make it to dinner? Then what, I would be jipped by life that's what.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Oh and I love deal pickles so I will gladly deal with it, K. Unless you are talking about my life, and then I say bite me, no offense intended.

Kritta22 said...

I like that idea!! Dessert for breakfast...yum!

Well French toast and pancakes are kinda like dessert with the syrup!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Hehe, I was wondering where you went off to. Sounds like it was FUN!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Kritta, if you ever go to Ihop get the nutella crepes. They strawberries and bananas in with the nutella. Way to yummy, although my favorite is still the garden crepes.
Actually the best is when I go with some one else and we each get one of these and share so you get the best of both worlds, kind of like Hannah Montana and Myley Cyrus.

Kritta22 said...

Pat I heart you bunches!

I haven't been to Ihop since high school. We don't have one close up here either...boooo!

My favorite thing at Chili's in the Sizzling Chicken. Cheese, chicken, peppers and goodness..all wonderful! Oh and the Loaded Mashed Potatoes! Yum!

dolly etta said...

Hey Debbie- I used to get dropped off to school in a huge station wagon until I had to start driving it as my own ride; AND I lived in a trailer park! In my adult life, I have been to many, many luxury hotels, (mostly while I was working in my twenties) okay, that sounds dubious - I taught seminars all over the country - but anyway, I eventually got so used to the "good life" that it no longer bugs me that I used to be so ghetto. I can honestly say that I have "dealt with it" sufficiently that I believe I am chillaxed enough about my identity. I am actually going to go BUY a used motor home this week in San Diego to travel across the US in for the month of July with my family.

Yes indeedy, our family is gonna see the USA the good old fashioned way. My boys have been to Kenya on Safari, Great Wall of China, Pyramids of Egypt, West End London theatre, ridden elephants in Sri Lanka and toured the sights in Istanbul.....but they ain't never really had the best the world has to offer cuz they ain't played drag racing with a tumble weed the size of a tractor wheel in a motor home on route 66! They don't even know what truck stops are!

After we gets back to Hawaii this summer, we're gonna pack up and head to Palmyra NY. We're going to do the Mormon pilgrimage to be in the Hill Cumorah Pageant. Now that's classy ain't it?

I'm gonna have to get a lot of playlist tips from you for my big road trip. You have such great songs in your head. Since I'm gonna be on route 66, I will have to revert to my old favorite (before Jack Johnson who is my new favorite of course) and that is George Strait. I also don't have the photo of my stalking day of him because there was no film in my camera. But it got me a pose with him and his arm around me!

Yip, I'm gonna get to introduce my kids to 'Amarillo by Morning'.

Kritta22 said...

Amarillo by Morning is one of my favorite songs. My hubby's favorite song of all time is I Cross my heart.

I love Blue Baby too!

I am LoW said...

Loviong what Jen said about hair, it's true, when big hair is in, it's so effortless for me. :)

In the south, it's all Coke. Coke is Coke, Pepsi is Coke, Sprite is Coke. Mellow Yellow is Coke. But regardless, Sweet Tea is the assumed beverage of choice.

And I like Macaroni Grill's bathroom, where they have Italian lesson. :)

Sandi said...

Hmm, well I call it pop now, but when I lived in Hawaii I called it soda. I guess I am too easily influenced by my surroundings and I better do some serious contemplating to see what I REALLY feel is the appropriate thing to call this delightful beverage. BTW, TMI...every single time I have ever eaten at Chili's lets just say that I have to run to the bathroom within a half an hour and get to check out the potty playlist of wherever I happen to be- So at all costs, I stay the heck away from Chili's.

Youngblood4ever said...

What friend had lemons, and can I be his/her friend too? Man, you have a list full of super-cool friends like JJ and lemon-friend. Who could ask for more?

Just so you know...only cool people do the Nacho Libre leap. You may not have class, but you are super cool!

Tiffany said...

You are so so funny. You probably know that but I think you are super cool.

IWA said...

Hey we go to Macaroni grill just so we can visit their posh bathroom and learn Italiano! ...... and to play the squiggle game!

BTW where do we go if we cant afford a luxury hotel?

WV: ismilin .... just what your post made me do!

Jami said...

Oh the joys of a good getaway and some nifty self-actualization. I'm glad you had a great time.

Your so brave. I could never live in Hawaii, Lio would follow me around and take my picture all the time while Stitch laughed. I'm sensitive about cartoon characters mocking me. I'm OK with glistening perfect people mocking me though.

aniC said...

i SO wish i had a friend who had lemons for me to make s'mores. i wouldn't feel bad about it. i really need to solve my non-functioning non-depressive issues. but i think having a name for it is the first step of resolving it. but then again, i kind of don't want to resolve it. as you said, everyone can DEAL WITH IT!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly, I so want to tag along with you. What a perfect Blog-Across-America opportunity. You better get your own blog so you can be a correspondant on the road. I want to hear all about your ghetto drive across the country. And how funny that you lived in a trailer park. No wonder I like you so much. I never would have guessed! You're such an up-town girl.

I'm going to go check out George Straight's Amarillo by Morning to see if I like it. If I do I'll add it to the playlist.

I moved to New York when I was 18 years old. I said a lot of embarrassing things, like POP and OH MY HECK! But them New Yorkers publicly humiliated all those bad habits right out of me. Now it's soda to me. And Lo, they called everything COKE too, even cocaine, if you can believe!

hee hee

I never did cocaine, peeps!

Hee Hee Iwa! I hope you didn't post that comment from your class. How's Danny Boy, btw? Is he still in crush with Crash?

I can poke his eye out if he wants. Or I can wring his heart. Whichever he prefers. I'm flexible like that.

Ha ha AniC. I was thinking that I would start my post tomorrow by saying now that I'm functional again, I'm depressed. hee hee

Youngblood and Tiff, you've made me realize that I'd rather be cool than classy!

Nacho Libre leaps fo'eva!

dolly etta said...

"You're such an up town girl" LOL! You really are a CTD. Now I feel like I can call you Crash. You were always Debbie to me before.

When Norm and I moved to Philadelphia in '92, our neighborhood had a dessert party. I showed up with brownies in a tupperware picnic dish. After the wine was poured (and we had 'coke') the host proceeded to describe everyone's desserts which were presented on crystal or silver platters. - I got to enjoy not being left out...... "and Dolly brought brownies" forever rings in my memories of Richfield Road.

When I move to Riyadh and begin my sequestered life there in a few more weeks, I do plan to start blogging. I'm not confident that it will be entertaining like yours, but it will at least provide some morbid curiosity on occasion. I'll definitely give a shout out to Crash for being one of my inspirations! =)

dolly etta said...

Oh, and Kritta22 reminded me of another one of the best of George Straight. Check out I Cross My Heart! I envy her that it is her husband's all time favorite. That says something awesome about Kritta.

Some of my other favorite's of his, are The Chair and Ocean Front Property. There are so many great George Straight songs actually..... To me, he is a twang version of Jack Johnson from my college days with that same kind of sleepy charm and acoustic guitar that defines Jack. But hey, if he doesn't strike a chord with you, then I can still be your fan from so many other angles. I think we have been channeling the same frequencies as each other for a very long time and didn't even know it! Since I have had the benefit of blog stalking you, I am delighted to find out how un-unique I really am after all. (I happen to think life should have background music at all times also!)

Jami said...

There is A Way Back: A Gift for A Ghost

wow, that was a lot of work
but you're worth it

Kritta22 said...

How sweet that dolly thinks that my hubby is great. I think he is too. If he would have proposed to me, that's the song he would have sung to me. But his cousin blew it so he didn't. Lame.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Dolly you so need to start a blog and I can't wait to read it. You are such a great writer. And you have so many interesting experiences.

And then I won't miss you so much after you're gone.

I will miss seeing your boys around though.

I still need to check out George Straight.

dolly etta said...

I don't know blog etiquette - I'm new to the whole scene, but it seems to me I shouldn't start having a random conversation with Kritta just because she left a juicy tidbit hanging out there. 'A cousin turning an otherwise totally romantic proposal into something lame' sounds like a good little story.

Anyone else wanna here the story besides me? How 'bout somebody (hint hint Crash) who already has a blog, do a topic on super romantic or dud proposals? It seems like an easy- cheezy way to get a warm fuzzy or LOL out of your peeps.

Isn't that the best part of all the chic flick movies, when they overcome their conflict, and get to the point of popping the question? All of you awesome, creative writers could really keep me going for hours without me having to go the movies! =)

BTW, thanks for the vote of confidence on my future Blog Across America. It would be awesome to have your family along for the adventure. We love hanging out with cool families like yours.