Father Forgive Me

There are nasty rumors going around the bloggernacle that I ignore my tags.

That's just vicious suspicious malicious slander! Don't believe a word of it. I have never ever ever ever been tagged.

I bet I know who is spreading the rumors. My cousin Emily, A.K.A. Sewl, who is trying to outdo me with her antique book collection, (because I'm a literature teacher). Or Susan, who wants to see what's in my purse for some reason. (Susan I can tell you right now, it's just tampons from New Zealand, nothing interesting). Or Lo, who just wants me to read every single post in her archive even though there is no tag with my name on it. (I know because I read every single post in her archive to find a tag with my name on it.)

Even so, and even thogh my motto is "Don't do tag, it's a drag," and I'm having a button made that says This is your brain on tags, and I can barely get my visiting teaching done, let alone tagging, I will be polite and pretend they actually did tag me.

The only thing is I can't remember what they tagged me about.

Oh, Susan's had to do with stealing my credit card number and Emily's was to check and see if I'm actually qualified to be a literature teacher.

I'm not falling for their little tricks so I'm going to make up my own tag.

I'm going to call it the Father Forgive Me tag. The rules are you have to forgive one person who wronged you and then you have to wrong one person so they can forgive you.

And then you have to make a list of 10 things you would say at confessional.

So first I forgave my son for talking about sex. Next I yelled rudely at my husband for talking about sex.

Then I made a list of the 10 things I would say at confessional:


1. I text with both hands.

2. I haven't gotten a hair cut since this post in August.

3. I felt ungrateful when I found out my Christmas bonus from my employer is a hymn book.

4. I felt angry when I found out my husband's Christmas bonus from his employer is a hymn book.

5. I ate a whole bowl of cake batter when I thought about my in-laws coming for 42 days.

6. While I was preparing my in-laws bedroom, I ate party mints until my lower lip burst into a flaming hot cold sore. (It's a good thing I'm addicted to Acyclovir.)

7. I'm addicted to Acyclovir.

8. I wasn't disappointed when Enrichment was cancelled this week.

9. I guilt tripped my brother into leaving a comment in my comment box.

10. I pretended I couldn't cut anymore stars for the ward Christams party because my thumb was numb. Then I let my 1st counselor do it, even though she was in labor.

Can I do one more since I'm not really addicted to Acyclovir?

11. A few days ago in my comment box I said something embarrassing to CaJoh. I said, "I like you. A lot. I'm really glad you found me." And then I found out CaJoh is a man. A MARRIED married man. He probably thought I wanted to swap DNA with him. And his wife is probably the one spreading those nasty rumors about me.

Whoever thinks CaJoh should change his name to CaJoe raise your hand.

Can I do one more since my husband and I both work for the same employer and that could technically count as one?

12. I said TAMNIT! when my husband accidentally pinned my head against the wall while we were moving furniture to prepare for his parent's arrival.

P.S. I hope you don't think I'm nervous about my in-laws coming just because I said Tamn's name in vain and I have cold sores and I ate a whole bowl of cake batter. Seriously, I'm totally cool with it. This is like the 15th year they've stayed with us for 42 days and every year gets easier and easier.

This year I'm absolutely confident that when my MIL opens our bedroom door at 6am and says "Yoohoo. AloooooHA!" I will not throw my pillow at her face and yell, "Get Out!"