Friday, May 8, 2009

Disgruntled Guests

Today I got a mysterious package from my rockstar brother and his wife. Enclosed was a gift and thank you card for letting them stay with us while they were in Hawaii.

They said they had a great time, but it could have been better.

You wanna know how it could have been better? huh? huh? huh?

According to them, their stay could have been better if our hand mixer had two beaters instead of one.

So they took it upon themselves to send us a brand spankin' new hand mixer.

(Insert evil mad scientist laugh here.) They walked right into our sneaky little trap.

See, when we have visitors we hide all the good stuff and pull out all of the junk stuff.

Then we make our guests use the junk stuff.

(chuckle chuckle chuckle)

I made my SIL mash a whole bowl of REAL potatoes with one beater. (snicker snicker) And now I've got myself a brand new hand mixer.

(heh heh heh)

When my hub's brother brought his family a few years ago, they asked us if they could use our cooler to keep their Diet Coke chilled while they soaked up some sun. We put their sodas in a garbage bag and emptied all of our ice cube trays on top. Then my hub did the hokey pokey, slung the bag over his shoulder and said "HO HO HO."

We've secured 3 coolers that way. All thank you gifts from disgruntled guests.

We've also raked in a toaster, three blenders, two new mops, a crock pot, a toilet, and a hoover upright vacuum cleaner. (For some reason guests hate sweeping the carpet with a broom.)

Sometimes, when we get doubles, we sell our gifts on e-bay because we subscribe to the reduce, reuse, recycle philosophy (and we love extra cash).

So peeps, if any of you need a place to stay on your next trip to Hawaii, let me know. We've got plenty of room.

(And we need a new van-down-by-the-river).

P.S. Anyone wanna buy a hand mixer?


SO said...

What an incredibly diabolical mind you have! I will have to try this.

Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Siana Burgess said...

C R A Z Y! The only word that describes my wonderful fun and lovable friend :D (Shucks almost made it to the first comment spot!) LOLOL

DeNae said...

So here I was all ready to suggest you tell your guests, "This visit would be a lot more comfortable for you if I had a Mercedes convertible to drive you around in. Alas."

But then you already had transportation in mind.

Melanie J said...

Hey, am I repsonsible for getting you and DeNae together? Don't I get macadamia nuts for that? With chocolate on them? Or at least a video of someone in your family dancing the hula?

Homer and Queen said...

That is so cool! If you let me come and stay with you, I will buy you chocolate!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Wow...that is so sneaky. I hope they dont read your blog, lol

April said...

Muwahaha! I love how you reason! I think I will have my sister stay with my while she's down for my son's graduation and make her sleep on his bed without any sheets...I need new ones!

wv says resod! Even though I also need to resod our lawn, I will let her sleep inside...isn't that nice of me? muwahahaha!

val of the south said...

Wow! I want some gift giving people to stay at my house!!

Maybe you have to live somewhere cool for people to want to leave gifts...oh wait, no one brought us gifts in San Diego either...maybe it's us...

Anjeny said...

Man, the way your mind works. I would love to dissect that head of yours and see how the wheels are turning in are one sneaky Very very shameless and clever for a dummy.

My MIL is coming for my daughter's you think if I try any of your plan, it'll work? Boy do I have a long list of stuff I'd like to

Jillybean said...

I'm impressed! You're a genius.

do you think any of your relatives would like to come stay with us? We would really like a big screen TV and a Wii.
We could let them watch our little 13 inch TV with the weird colors, and I think my mom still has the old Atari game we played when we were kids.

Kristina P. said...

You know, if they really loved you, they would have sent you a KitchenAid. Clearly, he has some deep seated hatred towards you. Hand mixer. Pshaw.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Maybe I'm just really slow, here, (it's likely since I've had a fever for five days) but how do you beat potatoes with just one beater? Wait! No! I change my comment to this: more than one (wife) beater around the house is just plain trouble.

Mariko said...

Now how can you get them to upgrade to a kitchenaid?
(I now consider hand held electric to be too much work.)

Youngblood4ever said...

This is an all-time high (I'd say it was low, but I think you are brilliant and I am going to have to try this next time I have guests).

Wanna come stay at my house???

IWA said...

OMG........ YOU ROCK! Your my IDOL!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee everyone!

Melanie you do get credit for introducing me to DeNae. I should send you a Tim Tam Slam. :)

Mariko and Kristina P. have a good point. What cheapskate guests getting me a hand held rather than a Kitchenaid. Marha has a Kitchenaid.

Heidi, it is possible to beat potatoes with one beater. Ask my SIL, Skeet. Tell her Skeet. And it only took her 30 minutes.

Denise, YES, they do read my blog. Mwuhahaha.

April and Jillybean, both worthy goals. I say go for it!

aaaah, you guys crack me up.

T said...

Do I want to know what you did to the poor disgruntled guests who sent you a toilet?

WV says nonut... I beg to differ.

Funny Farmer said...

Brilliant strategy. I am so proud to call you my BBFF. Cheapskates unite!