Sunday, May 17, 2009

In regards to my recent kidnapping . . .

I'm still being held captive in my basement at gunpoint.

By my life.

I blamed it on my hub and my kids and my students, but my life is the real mastermind behind the whole plot to keep me from blogging my brains out.

(Admittedly I made up the million dollar ransom part to make a quick buck.)

(And anyway, we don't have basements in Hawaii)

(Oh, and my hub cleaned the whole garage by himself yesterday) (while I sat chained at gunpoint in the basement.))

(That is if we had basements in Hawaii that is where I would have been sitting chained at gunpoint).

I haven't even had a chance to send out all of my thank you notes for your birthday wishes and your puppy prayers.


Your prayers were sort of answered. In mysterious ways.

I've been granted visitation rights of my puppy.

That is to say his 10 year old owner brings her over to visit. I'm like her grandma now. I get to borrow and babysit my puppy and give her jerky treats, but it's a package deal. The owner visits too. And she yakity yak yak's my eardrums off. I hate to say it, but it's kind of testing my puppy lub.

Is this the puppy and owner I want to spend the rest of my life with? It's such a big commitment. And can my eardrums take it? (what's left of them).

I do lub the puppy though. And she gets so excited to see me. It's so charming how she wags her tail madly and bites my face off.

I'm a puppy lub virgin, but I'm thinking puppy lub is a lot like people lub.

At first it's just you and your puppy and that's all that matters. Lub is all you need. Lub conquers all. Lub lifts you up where you belong.

But what goes up must come down.

It gradually dawns on you that behind every good puppy is a previous owner who raised that puppy and wants to control that puppy just as much as you do.

You get me, peeps?

You don't just marry your puppy, you marry your puppy's previous owners.

Something to think about while I'm chained in this basement.


T said...

catching up on the puppy loss and basement hostage situation...

glad you got visiting privileges!

I'd be wittier, but I might be FIRST again!

WV "minglers" can you mingle on a blog?

Barbaloot said...

What a mature 10 year old to allow you visitation rights! I'm glad you were able to work this out amicably.

And also--I love that when you're unable to blog, you still manage to get more posts in than me:)

IWA said...

If I was you... I would take advantage of that little 10 year olds visits!

I have heard from so many other people that ten year olds clean other peoples houses so much better than their own and without complaining and they even bring treats sometimes.

Maybe it's just my ten year old that does that... but the next time she visits show her where the dishes are! haha!

Martha said...

Chained in your basement, ha, ha. Now I know why you chose to do the driving to the sports events yesterday and left Al at home. So he could do all the chores and you could go play. While I was at a pool party P was home cleaning the bathroom. I think we got these guys trained pretty well.

I don't know who is more glad to see you the puppy or the puppy owner. Poor girl is so lonely and has now found a friend in you.

Right now you are feeling chained, but over the summer when you are traveling your guts out you will miss your so called "basement" and be glad to get back here.

Martha said...

Deb, Iwa is so right. You could use this to your advantage if you were that type of person. That girl would love to wash your windows too. Really it would be to her benifit if you taught her how to be of service.

Martha said...

I mean benefit. Hey and after she does your windows, send her to our house.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

So you only have visitation and it's supervised!!! That's not any kind of respect!

I have my people working on getting you out of that basement... but they are afraid to fly so we sort of have a problem cause they are on the main land.

I'll get back to ya!

Hold in there!

Youngblood4ever said...

I don't have 1 million dollars but I have 1 million pieces of paper in my house...or 1 million particles of dust. Will that work?

About the puppy visitation...all I have to say is you probably are sad but you should be happy. It's like being a grandparent as opposed to being a parent. You can give them back when they are stinky, crying or sick. See, it works out fantabulous for you. You get your lubby time with the pup and then you let the 10 year old clean up the poop. I'm just trying to look on your bright side (since today I don't really have a bright side).

Chowder said...

Puppy love is like almost like people love, but puppy love is easier to come by.
Much, much easier.

But both people and puppies bite and make a mess, so I suppose that both kinds of love take effort.

April said...

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a green dress, but not a real green dress that favorite Bare Naked Ladies song! Would you buy John Merrick's remains if you had a million dollars? hmmmm....glad you have puppy visitation...does the owner have puppy breath too or just the puppy?

DeNae said...

I'm thinking a puppy with baggage is, well, a lot to take on. You need a virgin puppy, one with no 10 year old strings attached. Before you know it, she'll be suing you for puppy support and petimony. AND, when that puppy gets older, it will totally play you and the now-15 year old against each other. "You're not my REAL owner!" it will bark at you, "My REAL owner lets me piddle wherEVER I WANT! I hate you, pretend owner! WAAAAHHH!!!"

I just can't advise that you go with such a heartbreaking scenario, Crash.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ah ha ha ha ha ha You guys are cracking me up. Especially you DeNae with your pretend owner dialogue.

I can't wait to get out of this basement so I can come back to visit everyone.

Kritta22 said...

How come you were so easy to grab? You gotta be careful these days Crash!

I am with DeNae...I'm not sure this relationship is going to work out. I mean, what is MS 10YO decides to grow up one day and go to college...who gets Puppy now? Would you still have the same love for puppy when she is, well, used?

Sorry to use such hard words Crash...but this is serious stuff!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I vote that visitation is the best things ever. So much better than ownership. Martha brings up a good point, what about all your galavanting around this summer? How would you do that with a puppy? Better to just enjoy the benefits without the costs.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I guess you'll have to find you a puppy with no previous owner--kind of like the immaculate conception. Sorta.

Mariko said...

Did you see the puppies in front of foodland?

No previous owner to deal with there.

I am LoW said...

Well, they say being gramma is ever better than being the mom.....?

(I don't buy that either. But I'm just sayin, that's what they say.)

Jami said...

Silly. That's when you sleep with your puppy you sleep with all their previous companions. Proceed with caution.