Thursday, May 14, 2009


I mean, ah shucks, peeps, you didn't have to celebrate my birthday. Fo' real! You really know how to make a dummy feel special.

Thank you so much for all of the primary songs and the Disney songs and the bi-lingual songs and the off-key songs in my comment box.

How many of you are sick to death of my birthday though, raise your hand!


In fact the next time I hear the b-word I think I might hurl.

So I know I told you that all I wanted for my b-word day (bleh!) was world peace, but I really just wanted to feel pop-U-lar. I wanted to feel for one day like even though I wasn't born on the Queen Mary, I should have been, or I could have been.

You guys so tapped into that.

Thanks. I'm totally feeling the lub.

But I have to admit I kinda miss the good old days before I was a dummy when I wouldn't tell anyone it was my birthday just so I could mope around all day feeling like I was born in a medical center. There's nothing like feeling sorry for yourself to justify acting like a spoiled brat.

Kinda missing that.

So do you guys want to hear about my day?

Something happens to you as you move closer and closer to that sweet spirit phase of your life.

You get nervy. Saucy, almost. Sometimes you get an intense urge to wear a bedazzled jacket and stick it to the man.

That's how I felt this morning. Maybe because my hub pulled us all out of bed at 5:30a.m. so we could sit around a table of flowers and French toast and FUZE (Don't ask me why he bought me FUZE. Totally random). He forced the kids to sing happy b-word day (bleh!) while he sprayed whipped cream all over my French toast.

I knew then it would be a gods-must-be-crazy day.

And it was!

I showered neked. I went outside without sunscreen. I parked in a tow-away zone.

But, get this, I didn't get towed away.

It was like the universe had my back.

The bestest part of the day, besides my grilled ahi sandwich at Lei Lei's, was this:

My twins found a lost puppy.

I got to hold him and lub on him and nuzzle him all night long. Oh, peeps I need a baby or something. I am right now at this very moment watching him through the sliding glass door and hoping he wakes up so I can comfort him.

I'm thinking I better sleep on the couch in case he needs me.

I pinky promise I 'll look for his owner tomorrow. Or the next day at the latest.

If any of you recognize him, don't call me, I'll call you.

The second best part of the day was at 10 pm when I got a mysterious knock on my door. OMGOSH, it was so exciting because no one was there and sitting on the porch was a Sadoku book and the most delicious vegan cookies ever from my daughter's hoity toity English teacher, Mariko. The little sneak. I'm thinking she dropped the cookies and ran because her last post was about how much she hates it when girls come to her door bearing cookies. Ha! Such a hypocrite.

But vegan cookies are so Yum-O! I savored every bite just trying to crack the secret vegan code. Tell me if I'm right, Mariko. Vegan instant oatmeal, vegan white chocolate chunks, vegan dark chocolate chunks, vegan instant banana pudding, and vegan apple sauce in place of the sugar.

No, I take that back. It's non-vegan sugar. But the big question is, butter or shortening?

Mahalo Mariko! Especially for the beautiful vegan card. I bet you or Jake took that photo. Am I right?

(BTW, that puppy is going to break my heart, isn't he? huh? huh? huh?)

K, peeps, b-word day (bleh!) is officially over so stop STARING at me and go AWAY!

(Wait, come back. I didn't mean it!)


Kritta22 said...

I'm first!!! maybe cuz it's 2am in Alaska!!

Kritta22 said...

That means it's like 4am in utah!

I think you have to use shortening for vegan stuff right?

Kritta22 said...

K I'm going to bed now!

I heart you bunches!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Sounds like a good day and I think you should totally keep the pup and name him something like Butch. Or Sparky or something really cool. He looks like the dog Eddie from Frasier.

Now I want cookies....must resist!

Wolfgang said...

Happy Birthday, lame, I forgot. SORRY. happy birthday, can i still be your favorite austrian after that. PLEASE?

I am LoW said...

Happy Birthday..... again again!!!

Wish I lived close enough to drop treats off at your door! :-D

SO said...

That puppy is adorable!!!

Jami said...

I'm thinking you can rule out lard or butter. Could be fat-free. Could have been veggie shortening or oil.

Charming pup. Somewhere a little child is sniffing and pushing down the pain. Look for that child and give her the puppy back.

I am also wondering is you actually hurled when Wolfgang and LoW used the b-word. Twice? Or was it a one for two? I'm nothing if not curious.


Jillybean said...

Finding a lost puppy on your special day?
It sounds like a sign that you should keep him.
(you might want to color his fur and get him some glasses and a fake mustashe or something so the real owners don't recognize him)

Homer and Queen said...

In honor of you birthday...I went to the Forum Shops and did me some shopping! You would be so happy 'cause they are some seriously cute clothes! I really needed something cute so I could teach my 4th Sunday lesson! I would have sent you something, but I didn't want to make you uncomfortable! See how SWEET I am?

CaJoh said...

Wait… you mean you normally shower in your clothes. I guess that saves on having to do your laundry doesn't it.

My wife and I used to say "it's not a ____ it's a puppy" for everything, until we got our dog, then it became "it's not a puppy it's a puppy".

Perhaps getting a dog is a good idea.

DeNae said...

I need to pal up with Homer's Queen up there, cuz if she's got the dough to shop at the Forum Shops, then it sounds to me like we're neighbors and she needs DeNae as her new BFF!

And I have to go with Jami on the "poor little child lost her puppy" thing. Although clearly you need one of your own, too.

And I'm almost positive I read somewhere that you use actual vegans in vegan cookies. Ironic, isn't it?

Stephen said...

Happy Birthday Sis, may you live to accomplish all of your dreams.

T said...

I am NOT a dog person (Or a cat person... or an animal person in general...) but that dog might change my mind...

I don't suppose you'd buy into the story that I lost him, he swam the ocean and turned up by your house?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Well I can so relate to the problem of stray animals and not being able to say no to them.

When we lived in Ca 11 years ago a cat had kittens in our garage. There were 4 of them. Of course she left and we could not resist such cute little puffs of fur. One of them was tragically killed and we all cried.

That left us with 3. I tried to find homes for them with no luck. Then another stray kitten turned up and we kept her also.

Fast forward six months and it is time to move to Vegas and we had just lost Camille, so of course we couldn't deal with any more loss and brought all four cats to Vegas with us. Stupid, but understandable. At least my mom and I conned my husband into letting both the boys and all four cats ride with him in the moving truck.

We let them out in our backyard even though someone told me they might run away. I secretly hoped for that. If they left me I was OK with that but I couldn't be the one to make it happen.

Three boy cats and one girl cat makes lots of cats. At one time I had 10 cats on purpose at my house.

This resulted in a tear filled trip to the pound with some of them. One of the original four got lost on the way to get fixed. Another two ran away.

Still we had the girl and she gave birth to 3-5 kittens about 3 times a year for the next 7 years.

I found homes for most of the kittens. Sometimes I would take them to the school. Other times I walked around the soccer field and found homes for them.

Finally someone clued me into the fact that you could run an add in the paper and people would actually come to your house and pay you money so they could take the kittens away. Unbeleivable.

And do you want to know the craziest thing, I am allergic to cats. Sheesh.

So finally after 7 years of cat ownership, we were moving to a new house and I decided the time had come to make a break from animal ownership.

I cried and cried all the way to the pound. Diana was so sweet she sat next to me and handed me tissues.

I could barely talk to the lady I was crying so hard. But I did it.
And now we have been cat free for 4 years.

I even called upon my experience and strength and took a friend's cat to the pound for her.

So the moral of the story is, don't be taken in by strays. Run. Run far and fast. That is myt advice to you my friend.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Sorry about posting in your comment box.

Lara said...

Sorry I missed it! Happy belated Birthday!

I can't turn away any animals. Ever. Drives my hubby nuts.

Youngblood4ever said...

I think Kritta is being a bit of a comment hog, what do you think?

Glad you didn't get towed! That would have been the bestest ever!

Love the little dog. Jealous. I will live vicariously through you since I am uber allergic and I really shouldn't ever own any animals unless the puffy-eyed, sneezing, runny-nose look comes into style. Think that will happen soon?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Youngblood I HOPE that look comes in soon. I have that look down.

I'm not allergic to dogs, thank heavens, just cats and chocolate haupia pie.

Guys my new puppy is sooooo cute. I know I should be thinking about how sad the poor unfortunate souls who lost him feel, but I can't think about that right now because he's meeting my emotional needs.

J/K peeps. My twins went door to door last night looking for his owners. And I'm putting up signs today.


I'm almost tempted to start twittering just so I can tell everyone what my cute puppy is doing at this very moment. And then this moment. And then this moment.

AND HEY, stop already with the b-word. You guys are clogging up my arteries.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Pat, you really are a nutty hamster chick. I KNOW YOU'RE right. I know you are. I know this puppy is going to give me fleas and then up and leave me with nothing but memories. I know it, and yet I can't stop myself.

I'm in puppy lub, for goodness sake.

Who's going to be there to pick up the pieces when I crash?

Any volunteers?

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I totally get it. I think sometimes animals come to us and they fill a void no one else can. I still miss my cat. We went through a lot together. In many ways she helped me through my first long dark winter in Vegas. But then there were all the times she made me be her midwife and the times I had to help her with breech kittens.

But I will be there to help pick up the pieces of your stone cold broken heart. So will everyone else here. You know that don't you.

And talk to Funny Farmer about finding lost stray cats. She has a good story also.

Sandi said...

this just in......Hub just got home with my prizes...can't wait to go home from work and try out those japanese crackers ;)Oh yay presents are so much fun!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Sorry I missed your birthday on blogger, but I didn't miss it on facebook! That still counts, right? Right?

Love the doggie!! I'm trying to talk my hubs into getting one. It's been 4 years since I've had a baby and I need something to cuddle.

lori said...

Ok- first, I can't believe I missed your bithday comment party, I almost think I need to go comment 50 times just to make up for it! And that puppy is soo cute. (but I think you should get a puppy, not a new child) Happy Birthday!

Sandi said...

I just re-read the whole post and cracked up at "wear a bedazzled jacket and stick it to the man" that's the funniest thing I ever heard!
OK so I now have the treats- yay for me! Love the Christmas theme bag (I am not a puzzle kind of girl but am glad you have a fav). The card is absolutely adorable and oh so fitting for our relationship :) The rice crackers are a hit with me, but not with my 17 year old. The caramacs are hidden away safely so that I do NOT have to share. Thank you thank you thank you!! you are the best dummy EVER!!

Kritta22 said...

Did you know that I'm moving close to Sandi??? Are you jealous?

Anonymous said...

Happy birthday! I love the song you have here, Somewhere Only We Know.

Everyone should hold a puppy each week, at least, but especially on her birthday :). Darling pict!

Mariko said...

Actually, regular shortening isn't even vegan (it has WHEY). You DO have to buy vegan shortening.

But that doesn't matter, 'cause this didn't have that.

Evap cane juice is just sugar. Well, not exactly, but I just use sugar.

Anywho, if someone hadn't RUINED the surprise, it would have been more surprising.

That's okay, because I made him run while I waited in the car. Ha ha.

I tried to find code red. At Foodland. Am I blind or something?

That puppy is cute. But you probably could have a baby still. Pam said, "What is she turning? 30?"
I didn't do the math. But we agreed you could be 30.

Mariko said...

Oh, and regular sugar IS non-vegan.
They use bones to grind the sugar.
How weird is that?

I'm a bad vegan though.

But I'm a very good omnivore.

Sandi said...

Mariko, my hub said that he searched 3 different foodlands and could not find code red either. I did not believe him and accused him of not seeing what was right in front of his face (kind of like when he is looking for peanut butter in the pantry) But now I might have to eat my words since you said you couldn't find it either....oh no.

Sandi said...

p.s. I want that puppy!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi everyone! So sad about my puppy, but I can't write it tonight.

I'll be back tomorrow!

kasey ferrell said...

mom you have marge shut your mouth she is adorable~!

Rockstar said...

Cute dog!

Hey Crash, try out one of my favorite songs about New York.

Happy B-word!

Emily said...

Congrats on 100 followers! Whew! I feel so much better now.

Sandi said...

Did everyone just see my daughter tell me to shut my mouth? did you?

April said...

I saw Sandi...and she's do have large Marge...but don't say it to her face...she is sensitive.

Sorry I missed your B word day Crash! And ask Sandi about her dog that looked like that one...did she really like it?? huh? did she? be honest!!!

Kritta is moving by Sandi? Wow!! When I visit we will have to go to lunch at Eva's! Best Mexican food EVER!!!!

Good luck with the dog business and the bedazzled jacket.....

nevadanista said...

Hahahaha! I used to not tell anyone it was birthday either. I didn't want to make anyone feel obligated to give me a gift, and I wanted all my birthday wishes to be sincere - not just said or given because I announced it was my birthday and they couldn't get out of doing somehting for me. So, consequently, no one did anything for me, and I moped. A LOT :D

p.s. I still mope at the end of the day, even if it was a great birthday :) There nothing like a good pity party on your birthday!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey, I'm sorry I've been AWOL. It's a crazy life right now, but let me try to respond to some of you before the day carries me away.

Sandi YAY! I'm glad you like Japanese Rice Crackers. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY! It's Sandi's birthday everyone! HUGE HUGS!

I had a Tim Tam Slam Party for you in my class Sandi. I'll post the pics.

I'm so excited Kritta is moving by Sandi! How lucky! Kritta you have to get pics. And I want to try to make it out there someday to see you guys and work on the quilt. I have some more material to send you Kritta. It was given to me by a lady in my ward who just finished chemo for breast cancer. It's the breast cancer material. I will post it on the Magic Quilt soon.

LY everyone!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, I'm thinking Marge is a dog. I finally figured that out. Kute Kasey Konfused me when she yelled at you in my comment box, Sandi.

And your hub and Mariko are right about Code Red. I've been perusing for it too now and WOW! It's extinct.

Thanks for the thought anyway.