Saturday, May 2, 2009

Magic Thread and my Super Model Daughter

Before I started blogging I had no idea that invisible red thread could secure you firmly to your destiny.

And I had no idea that visible white thread could transform you into a super model.

If you've ever wondered why those Bollywood women are so darn exotic it's because they pluck their eyebrows with thread.

You heard me. They thread their eyebrows. And now they thread my eyebrows too.

And also my daughter's eyebrows, who has agreed to be my before and after super model for this post.

But before I bring her out here I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you all that I have a great great grandmother who came from India. She's great. And she provided me with years of entitlement whenever my husband said, "Oh, you're so cute, honey."

Thanks to my great great grandmother I always felt like I could add, "I'm exotic too. Don't forget I'm EXOTIC."

He never picked up on it though. Cute. That's all I ever got. He never asked me to belly dance or stick shiny jewels to my forehead.

So two years ago I accidentally found out that while my great great grandmother was great, she wasn't exotic. She was portugese.

She was a port-a-gee. Living in India.

My husband chuckled when he heard the news. "Told you you were just cute," he said.

But that hasn't stopped me from trying to break the mysterious code of the exotic, which is why I said "HECK Yea!" when my friend called to see if I wanted my eyebrows threaded.

I signed my daughter up too because you're never too young to go from geek to sheek.

So here's my daughter before she was a super model:

Halfway done!


How cool is that?

Tomorrow I'm going to post the super model photos after her fairy godmother turned her into a Disney princess for her Freshman Banguet.

I'm also going to show you my accidental impression of that freaky one-eyed horse on Man From Snowy River. Plus a nice shot of my fillings and my upper lip, which is now as smooth as a baby's bottom after my Indian hair remover yanked out my entire moustache with a spool of magic thread.

OWIE!!! She said it hurt so bad because it was full grown. (HOW RUDE!) She also said I have dry skin.

Hello! I live in Hawaii. Hawaiians don't have dry skin!

P.S. Guess what my husband said tonight? He said, and I quote, "Your blog has cool music."

YAY! I think he likes me.


IWA said...

Hey thats my friend Renu!...did she belly dance for you too? Love the threading!

No wonder your boys love spam.. they are part potagee!

IWA said...

haha... i was first: which translates to.... I have no life, doing homework on a friday night!

wesley's mom (sue) said...

Your daughter is so pretty, and her eyebrows look great. I can't wait to see the rest of the transformation.

Did it hurt a lot, because I have some serious facial hair I could stand to get rid of?

ps.he's right, you really do have a pretty cool soundtrack

wesley's mom (sue) said...

I'm second, which translates to-my son is out past his curfew and I'm waiting up to give him whatfor.

Which, I think, is pretty much the same thing as having no life.

IWA said...

You notice indians are pretty straight forward! did she try to upsell a plate lunch to you!

I think you should give your hubby a dummy name!

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

what the... I never knew she was Portugese??? Where the heck did Elburn's looks come from then? And!!! I have her lips. If you have her picture, go look at it. I totally have her mouth and lower jaw all these years later. Weird eh?

Amanda said...

very interesting! I've never seen the threading in action, this was pretty close, though :)

I love the shot of your boys looking on in amazement LOL

And exotic is a've felt exotic all these years then you're exotic, still :)

Homer and Queen said...

Can't wait to see the hottie photos! I think you will be exotic! You Hawaiian/Por-ta-gee you!

DeNae said...

I have never read a post where I felt so unspeakably out of it. No CLUE what threading is. I guess I'll have to go back and click on the convenient link in your introductory paragraph. Thank you!

And can I say, your daughter is so stinkin' cute I wish I had a son to fix her up with! LOVE those freckles!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I thought you weren't being serious... I thought translation was incorrect... but NO you WERE being serious!


I need to go give this a try in Hawaii NOW! I do... HOW THE HELK???

It's possible because you have photographic evidence...but I wouldn't have believed it otherwise!

Your daughter is gorgeous either way... seriously... she is pretty.

and I HAD DRY skin in Hawaii also... when I visited... I couldn't believe it, I thought it would go away, but it didn't... so we DEF are TWINNERS!

Look forward to pictures on the next post... and I'm glad your husband is starting to like you... the tension was getting uncomfortable! :)

DeNae said...

Still no clue, but I do enjoy your assessment of fortune cookie philosophy. Invisible red thread indeed!

Barbaloot said...

Holy Cow!! That had to have hurt. I've never even plucked my eyebrows...I'm too afraid!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness, peeps. I KNOW! I had never heard of it either. It wasn't until my friend sent me and an email with a Youtube video of it that I beleived it. I should have added a link to the video.

Ana, will you please do that for me? hee hee. (Trying to delurk her).

Shelle, HIGH FIVE on the dry skin. ha ha ha ha

And NO it doesn't hurt. Really it's way less painful than plucking or waxing. And Barb, I didn't pluck until I was 32. Try threading because these exotic Indians know how to give you shape.

Emily, I'm so sorry I had to break the news about our great great grandmother. Don't tell your husband. (And P.S. You are way prettier than her, if you don't mind me saying.)

Iwa, YES, Renu asked me if I wanted to buy some chicken curry today so thanks for the reminder because I DO want to busy some. It's my favorite.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I need that woman to come thread my daughters eyebrows since they look very much like your daughter's before pictures. However, I reserve judgement until I know whether or not the other end of that thread was actually coming from the threaders nose . ...cause that's totally how it looks .. .

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha Heidi. It does look like that! I didn't even notice that! How funny.

T said...

maybe I need to find a local threader to tame my brooke shields eyebrows down to something recognizable!

or maybe I just need a trip to hawaii? oh wait, do I really want to risk the dry skin???

Youngblood4ever said...

I had to laugh at the first picture of the threading because the thread looks like it is coming out of the lady's nose. heehee! I guess the boogers give the eyebrow that shiny look, right?

Do, did you like the threading? I have only done waxing- which is utterly painful, but makes me look and feel fabulous after.

April said...

Your daughter is GORGEOUS! She totally takes after her mom! And your boys are looking on in horror/amazement. I think they are glad they never have to do this....unless they are my sons, and then they will try it "just for fun". SIGH...Seriously!

I need less insecurities. I have never met an insecure person from India. NEVER!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I agree with everyone else, what the what?

T I did not even remotely think that your eyebrows were to bushy, so I don't think you need to worry.

Glad no one was hurt in the filming of this blog.

Anonymous said...

Crash--I think I've found my destiny, via your blog. Not only would my husband be excited if I did a number on my own eyebrows and upper lip, I know some belly dancers who could maybe teach me a thing or two. I was just waiting for this post to help me decide my future.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Youngblood, NO it doesn't hurt much at all (only the upper lip IF you have a full grown virgin moustache like me. OWIE. But the eyebrows don't hurt. And it last at least 3 weeks. I paid $10.

Mary, so happy I helped you find your destiny. hee hee Wouldn't every husband just love a good belly dance from a girl with super hot eyebrows!

CaJoh said...

I had to re-read the invisible red thread story, and was prepared for some great philosophical psycho-babel, but I am glad it was just a physical transformation rather than a transformation of time and space.

val of the south said...

When I heard of this a few months ago I seriously thought people where having their eyebrows lifted by having them sewn. It kind of freaked me out!

Thanks so much for straightening me out!!

I NEED this. I started getting my eyebrows waxed last year. In addition to being incredibly painful, I have HORRIBLE reactions and have red swollen eyebrow areas for days. Last time I even got an infection! I finally learned after like the 5th time to quit trying!!

Anyone know of a Utah connection? It could be our next bloggy lunch post activity!

Martha said...

Her eyebrows actually do look good. I had my doubts about the whole thing, but now I'm a believer and also very grateful that I don't have to do that with my lack of eyebrows.

I am LoW said...

Wait!! Whaaaat?? I don't get what she did and how it works?!?!

I'm gonna google it now.


wendy said...

OK, I need alot more explanation -- what the heck is "threading" your eyebrows. I'm lost. your daughter has the cutest freckles ever.

Katria said...

I've always wondered if threading hurt. I might be brave and try it sometime.

Melanie J said...

If it's a hair removal thing, I've done it, and I gotta say...I think I still prefer waxing for eyebrows. I've only had the threading done once and it grew back fast. Also, I think waxing hurts less because it's over in one quick shot.

Sorry you're not Indian.

And I was stuck at cute for years. However, my husband learned quickly so I alternate between hot and beautiful on a regular basis, which is a nice change of pace.

Funny Farmer said...

I'm with Wendy -- never heard of threading, and I'm wondering what if any advantages it has over waxing and/or plucking. Surely it takes forever?!

I am LoW said...

Okay- I researched it (youtube) and tried it, but my string kept breaking. But after removing a few eyebrow hairs. It's an experience!!! And it must take practice.... I need more practice anyways. And it didn't hurt! Yay!

Thanks for sharing Crash!! :-D

dolly etta said...

Isn't the threading so great! Another thing I fell in love with when I lived in Sharjah is the Morrocan Scrubs. Your skin feels extra smooth and neked. Imagine feeling more neked than usual. It's like getting your face threaded and feeling so smooth but all over your body. They use more than a thread though.

Renu looks so cute in your blog! I'm gonna send her the link so she can see her handiwork gone famous. I met her in our ward in Dubai and I get great food at their house when I visit them at TVA. I'm bringing her back 20 lbs of Dal in my luggage from Saudi so she can make me the good stuff. I've been eating Indian food about twice a week since I've been over here because she and Benson got me so hooked.