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Friday, May 15, 2009

Puppy Lub

For best results, please read the following post to song #73 on my playlist.



I can't get Donny Osmond out of my head.

I never fully understood him before, but he was right on when he said, This is not a puppy love.

He said that beause he was in full grown DOG love.

You can be in full grown dog love even with a puppy, peeps. Take it from me!



And when Donny said, Someone help me! help me, pleeeeee-E-E-E-zzzz I couldn't have said it better myself.

My puppy is gone.

I WANT MY PUPPY BACK!

It's a long story, full of ups and downs, highs and lows and in's and outs, but in short, we found the owner.

I knew it was coming, but I was still a little sad so I reached for the can of whipped cream my hub gave me for my b-word day and had a squirt (or three). Then I ran to the store and bought some doggy jerky treats and some prime rib Alpo. I felt like a grandma-gone-wild but I didn't want my puppy to forget me.

Then, much to my surprise, the owners said they didn't really want the puppy and were looking for someone to take care of her.

Ooo, ooo, PICK ME! PICK ME! I said, jumping for joy.

My head was full of doggy collars and leashes and shots and hairy furniture and fleas and disgruntled neighbors.

Everything was right with the world and I knew there was a Gad.

But SUDDENLY! they didn't pick me after all.

Cursed, cursed spite.

Dr*t! D*rn! D*ng! Sh$cks! Sh##t! Cr*p! Cr$d! Z%%ks! Sh##sh! Sh%%ts!

I ran to the tub and took a piping hot bath. It was so hot that my eyes began sweating.

Profusely.

WHY GAD? WHY?

Why do we have to love and then lose. Why????

I would marry that puppy if she asked me. But sadly that puppy and I live in different worlds. And she doesn't belong to me.

Why can't THAT puppy belong to me???

My hub was a little surprised by my profuse sweating.

"Do you need to see a psychiatrist?" he said. "Or should we just buy a puppy?"

"I don't want a puppy!" I yelled! "I want THAT puppy!"

Then a put a wet washcloth over my face and continued yelling.

"Don't you get it? I'll never love another puppy as long as I live. There's only one puppy for me! I'm a one-puppy girl!"

So there it is, peeps.

Sometimes life is funny.

And sometimes it's not.

I wonder if it would have turned out differently had I been born aboard the Queen Mary.

So you know who I've been thinking about? Remember Tiffany, who was about to adopt the baby she'd been raising since birth? Remember how the mother came back and yanked him out of her arms.

I wonder how she's doing.

I wish I could give her a ginormous hug right now!

Let's all run over to Tiffany's for a group hug.

29 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Oooohhhh, boooooo! I am so sorry. Maybe you can just dognap him again.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Maybe this is a very insensitive thing to say just now but you look really good in black and white puppy dog.

I am LoW said...

cr@p is right!! And 'Waaaaaah' too! :(

Remember the puppy with many names that runs the neighborhood that I posted the cute picture of recently, that you commented on??

Yeah, that cute black one with a little white on the chest?

The one my husband said NO to when I asked if I could have her?

Well her owner tied her to a tree, with rope and all, and I saw the pupply people come pick her up today. :(

*sniffle* *sniffle*

SO said...

I am so sorry!! :(

Youngblood4ever said...

I'm crying for you. She was a beautiful dog. How dare the owners not pick you. I mean, they let their dog get lost and the kind soul that you are took care of that puppy. You belong to that puppy and that puppy belongs to you!

Oh, and Anjeny wants me to poke you in the eye and get you in on our weekly NPSA meetings. Where are you!????

nevadanista said...

*sniff sniff*

Is 42 too late to have another baby?

Why didn't they let you have the puppy? Those b@$^$&*#!!!

DeNae said...

Oh, Crash, what a roller coaster! I'm serious, here! I was so excited to see that they didn't want her, I just KNEW the story would end with Old Yeller getting a reprieve from the governor.

And then....waaaaahh!

I totally hate those anonymous people who I never will meet but who now are single handedly keeping me out of the Celestial Kingdom with the uncharitable thoughts they're making me have.

Take two more baths, a half-pound of fudge, and two liters of Code Red, stat.

And then head down to the shelter and find yourself a new baby to love.

It IS possible to love again, I promise!!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

This is how I see it... the dog will mysteriously run away from its new home and SOMEHOW end up in yours?

You might have to pull a covert for that... but if I lived by you I'd do it for ya... and then TP the NOW OWNERS for not picking you!!!

Just saying...

Anjeny said...

Awwww...sorry to hear about the puppy...and here I'm sending Julie to poke you in the eye as if you don't need any more reason to have your eyes sweat.

So very NOT nice of those ingrates to do that.

Ok, while I'm writing this comment, #16 came on your playlist and it totally express what I would love to say to you right now..."I feel glad when you're glad and feel sad when you're sad"...First your WV was tapping into your mood and now your play list is doing that too..totally creepy.

Martha said...

What??? So they gave the puppy to someone else? I can't believe that. Did you say what you needed to say? Did you actually tell them you really wanted her?

I sorta wanted you to have a doggy so we wouldn't be the only ones with a dog barking at the UPS truck or BYU golf carts or strange boys on bikes.

Martha said...

My wv was scromp. That could've been a great name for her Scromp.

April said...

It's only a dang puppy! Oh who am I kidding! That's what I said when I went to retrieve 2 puppies from the pound only to have to send them back again because the dog we had was retarded! I took a long bath and my eyes did a lot of sweating too. We still remember them fondly. Phil and Lil...yes as in the Rugrats.....and what happened to our retarded dog you ask? She started eating her poop and not her dog food so we put her to sleep! True story. Ask Sandi, she knows. Then we got our good dog....everyone needs a good dog. I still miss Phil and Lil.

Mariko said...

WHAT?! Full story clarification please.

Puppy thieves! I mean, how evil can you BE?

val of the south said...

That really sucks!

How could they not want their puppy to be a dummy puppy?

Those people don't know what they're missing - or at least what their puppy is missing.

So sorry.

Homer and Queen said...

I have 4! Pick one! Pick one! Please!!!

Kritta22 said...

You didn't have to give it back...did you tell them that?

My eyes are sweating too!

dang hot showers!

Kritta22 said...

I went and gave a hug to Tiffany and that made the sweat come out even more!

What a wonderful mommy that takes walks with her munchkin in the rain.

I wanna be like her when I grow up!

in time out said...

...I am posting SEVEN wordless wednesday, on SATURDAY!!!....play along...can you guess. starting at 9am....every hour...♥

Kritta22 said...

I'm having a giveaway on my blog....you should come play!

Kritta22 said...

I bet you guys have exactly 12 hours a day huh? I never thunk of that fore!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

I am speechless, but I suppose you do understand a bit how tiffany must feel.

I hate it when life sucks. I hate life experiences. I think they are highly over rated.

See and people wonder why some people keep their hearts on ice under glass.

val of the south said...

Your music kept me company tonight...thanks, I needed it!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Oh Crash. I"m so sorry. I remember when we (gladly) got rid of our slightly psycho German Shepherd but I came home and stared at the empty cage crying my eyes out.

I hope you find a place for a puppy in your heart.

Jami said...

WHOLELY CRAAAAAP! You have got to be kidding. Evil. Evil. Evil. I am so sorry! Poor dummy.

I never know when you're lying but I'm going to pray for you just in case. Love you!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ah thanks everyone for your stories and your support and your lub. This is my first time to fall in puppy lub so it's all new to me (and my hub). ;) He has a strict NO DOGS ALLOWED in our life policy but I could tell he was smitten too.

To clarify the story for Martha and Mariko. Two of the children told us they didn't want that dog and they'd only had it for 3 days anyway and they were watching it for someone else. I told the 6th grader that WE would take care of him. He was excited and said he would tell his dad. I got excited and started planning his little puppy life. Then we went to our sons soccer potluck and band concert and when we came home the puppy was gone. One of my twins said the older brother came by and picked him up.

I'm still hoping we can figure out a way to marry that puppy.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

And Jami thanks for your prayers.

I never outright lie, just stretch--exaggerate. Usually it's the ridiculous that you know isn't true. But the emotion is always true, though sometimes it's how I would like to act if I were a spoiled fourteen year old. ;)

So YES, pray we can get that puppy back.

MAHALO!

LY Everyone!

Rockstar said...

Oh my HECK, that was the funniest, edge of your seatiest, pathetically hilarious, yet the saddest story we have ever heard. Our hearts go out to you. Love, your Rockstar brother, crazy SIL, and adorable mother. Thanks for keeping us entertained and inspired at the same time.

SWIRL said...

That puppy is DANG cute! what I think is cruel and unusual punishment.. is they just keep bringing her around to taunt us...and I hear rumors they don't even lIKE her!!!

That is a crime- but you are talking to the wrong sista.. you know me a stray dawgs... they seem to have the sweetest faces and temperments..

Alyson (New England Living) said...

My poor dummy! But somehow, even though you don't believe it, I think you could fall in puppy lub again. Really. Go find another puppy to lub!! And, I must say, we're on the same wavelength! Freaky. I'm dying for dog over here. Haven't really wanted before, but now I'm a woman obsessed. Trying to talk the hub into it. I'm using my kids as weapons against him. :)