PhotoGRAPHIC Evidence

Disclaimer: Some parts of this post are rated pg-13 so enter at your own risk.

So I'm home. And can I just say, there's no place like home. (Say that three times while clicking your heels together and see what happens. I dare you.)

Can I also just say, there's no place like home for the holidays. (Am I right Kute Kasey?)

And hey, guess what? Christmas is this THURSDAY! Were you guys aware of that? I had no idea! So now I'm doing the Home Alone AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Actually I'm trying to do the Home Alone AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, but I can't quite muster the energy. I think I'm destressed.

Yes, I'm definitely in a destression.

I blame it on Maui. My body is home, but my mind is still on vacation. I can tell because I can't even muster up any annoyance at my MIL. I'm trying. Really I am, but nothing is phasing me. Not even her standing in the middle of the kitchen while I cook or saying everything nice twice or asking my FIL to show us his fissured tongue during dinner. None of it seems annoying anymore--just endearing.

And my BBFF's constant doubting and questioning me isn't even getting on my nerves today either. I think I better get on some anti-destressants.

Really my BBFF is right to question me. I do lie. She's only calling me out.

In fact I didn't take any naps in Maui. I lied about that. I told you all that I was sleeping for you so I could pocket your money, but I didn't really sleep for you. I was busy grading research papers and finals and figuring out my student's grades. But you're not going to pay me for that so I lied.

I'm a bad girl.

And I'm a bad teacher too. I didn't teach my students anything. I'm ashamed of some of their answers on the final. One question on my final asked what you call the categories of literature--poetry, drama, the novel, the short story etc. The answer is genre.

You know what one student said? Blog.

I've totally corrupted my student's minds.

But I can't even muster up enough energy to feel guilty or aggravated. I wasn't even aggravated when two of my students who received A's in my class emailed me and told me that I forgot to add their extra credit to their total points.

But I'm not here to talk about my shortcomings or my student's shortcomings, I'm here to provide a sign for Lisa--oh ye of little faith--in the form of photoGRAPHIC evidence that I did go to Maui and that I did have a super hopeless super ferry romance and that we did stumble upon a nude beach and that a partially nude mermaid did stumble upon us.

Here we are pulling out of the harbor and waving aloha oe to Diamond Head/Honolulu.

Here are my IL's and my husband with front row seats to the gag-a-thon. My MIL is chatting it up now, but give her time and she'll be BHBO.

Here is my little round Jetsonesque table and my hot chocolate and Miss Heidi's naked book. I took it's clothes off because books are less inhibited that way. It won't be long now before my hot chocolate is in my lap and I'm crawling towards the vinyl couches.

Can you find Nemo?

For those of you who are weathering storms and blizzards and power outages, look away NOW!!!!!! Place your hands over your eyes and scroll down as quickly as possible to my MIL's shoes, unless you want to feel like I felt during Autumn when everyone was posting gorgeous photos of burnt amber partially naked trees.



Nothing but sand and sky (and my legs trying to get some sun). If you look closely I'll whisper aloha in your ear.

These photos were taken with my virgin eyes before I climbed the lava rock and uncovered the nudies.

Here I am overlooking Big Makena beach.

Then I turned around and . . . ACK! PDN everywhere!

Here is a photo of my family looking at all the PDN photos that I can't show you here because my husband says I might lose my job and my calling.

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Hold on here! Is my MIL wearing Old Navy Shoes?

Can I forgive her her trespasses?

Whoops! Did You see me slip in those censored nudie photos? How sly am I? If you're under 13 you won't be able to see them anyway because I have this post set to censorship mode.

Lisa, if you really love me you'll post all the rest of the hilarious nudie photos you censored and drew all over for me on your blog. You won't get fired from your job, I promise.

And here are my boys doing the synchronized snorkeling.

And this is where the mermaid will appear momentarily. Just before I hold my horses and then catch my keys in my knickers.

And there were other things too--art galleries and shopping and restaurants and runny noses--but I don't care if you believe me or not about those things so I'm not going to post photos.

P.S. The super ferry ride home was super romantic. I read the rest of Miss Heidi's super romantic/charming/adorable book about Miss Delacourt and Sir Anthony. Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. I am so proud of Miss Heidi. My favorite part, besides the super hot kissing scenes and the romantic comedy, was when Miss Delacourt fully intends to throw herself unto her bed and sob her eyes out, but bursts into Sir Anthony's room by accident and then chucks The Taming of the Shrew right at his forehead. Hee hee. Good thinking Miss Heidi.

Was that a spoiler?