I promise I WILL spill my guts unto you. You have my word. But wouldn't it be in poor taste to talk about lying and Mormons in the same breath on the Sabbath?
So let's talk about my secret admirer instead.
Look over there at my latest follower on the board, Pat.
Who's Pat? Pat has no picture. Pat has no profile. Pat has no past.
Pat is only following me.
But why? It's a little suspect, don't you think? (Don't answer that.)
You're probably thinking I created Pat to make myself more mysterious. I don't blame you. I would think that too because I have been known, as of late, to break into my loved one's blogs and force them at gunpoint to follow me.
Maybe that's what Pat wants you to think. Maybe Pat is trying to make me look more pathetic and desperate than I am.
Or maybe pat is one of my family members who loves me dearly but feels sorry for me, and a little embarrassed by me, and wants to make me look better than I am.
Or maybe Pat is Mary. I did tell her to make a new profile so she could support me. Maybe she's gone and obeyed me. I bet Mary and Kristina P. planned this whole thing out at their Olive Garden blogger meet-n-greet yesterday (which they didn't invite me to, even though Olive Garden is my favorite.) I bet they're giggling behind my back right now.
Or maybe Pat is just a thank you from one of the bbff's I donated all my false followers to--a little reciprocity to even things out.
I don't know anyone named Pat, except the first counselor in my bishopric. (He wouldn't be a fan would he?)
But is Pat a male or a female? That is the big question. It could go either way.
Maybe it's Pat from Saturday Night Live! Androgynous Pat! Or someone impersonating Androgynous Pat. In that case it can't be Mary because if she's too young for the Osmonds, she's too young for Androgynous Pat.
Or maybe it's Donny, pretending to be Pat. (I hope so!)
Or maybe it's just a secret admirer. One from high school who feels sorry he never publically (or privately) sent me flowers or cookies on Valentines Day, since that IS what secret admirers do.
I always wanted a secret admirer. And now I have one. It's kind of exciting, even if it is just the first counselor in my bishopric or one of my family members or one of my bbff's or Mary . . . or (please, please, pretty please) Donny.
Pat, please don't break this spell and spoil this moment by coming forward and telling me who you really are. I just need to revel in the intrigue for a few days.
And imagination is so much more fun than reality.
(P.S. Gotta love scheduled posts, cause I'm in Relief Society right now. I really am. I would never shirk my presidential responsibilities to talk about my secret admirer.)