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Friday, October 10, 2008

No More (Osmond) Give-A-Ways!

Hey guys, I found the secret to doubling your hits. No need to waste your money or time doing give-a-ways. Just embed/imbed the word Osmond somewhere in your title.  I kid you not, it works.  Also the words broken bones and body casts can spike your numbers.

(If that doesn't produce the desired results, with the money you were going to give away, pay off one of your famous blogger buddies to spread pixie dust over her keyboard then write a glittering review of your blog.  Thanks Lisa.  Chuck-A-Rama gift card is in the mail!

On a serious note, two seriously noteworthy things happened today:

First, my conscience was pricked by the Acorn voter fraud scandal and I began feeling guilt about breaking into all my loved one's accounts and forcing them, at gunpoint, to be my followers just so I could impress my husband.

And then, all the socks in the laundry matched up! What are the chances? I took this as a sign from the sock gods that my conscience can be made whole (and clean) again from my trans/re/gressions.

So after being called pathetic by my bbff (bestest blogger friend forever) Lisa, the funny farmer, I did some serious soul searching. I gave my inner wounded child a hug and I told her that she's good enough, smart enough and doggonit, people like her, and then I grabbed my swim suit and my husband and we did a little exercise/therapy (not Annie-style, btw).

I have now apologized to all my loved ones for taking away their agency. (They all stopped reading me over a week ago so they were a little bugged about it.)

For my community service I've donated all my false followers to everyone who helped me through this little crisis and I have removed those followers from my own blog (except my kids because I try to be a good leader and they should try be good followers,) (oh, and my class because I'm giving them extra credit,) (and my book blog because Jami thinks I'm cuter than her in that photo,) (And I might leave my family blog as a follower because families are forever.) (But the rest are gone!)

If you don't mind, I'd like to send a big blogger mahalo to all my kind blogging sistas for their advice and support, and for expressing their jealousy over how good I look in this font. They were right about my husband loving me even though I never once received a single public valentine during high school, (that I didn't send to myself).  (Not complaining, though).

So why do I still feel kinda . . . dirty?

15 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I'm totally testing that Osmond theory in the upcoming weeks.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Do it, girl. I'll pay you $10 if it doesn't work.

Jen said...

That socks thing. . . wow. I wish that would happen at my house.

Nobody You Know said...

Well dang it you're funny. Tell your husband you picked up a total stranger for a follower.

I just might try that Osmond thing too, but need I point out with this Osmond post you only have 4 comments and one of them is you? Just sayin'

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think you need to video your exercising! lol! with your husband that is!

T said...

judging by the fact that I have about 72 unmatched socks I'm going to have to try SOMETHING to reverse my karma!

my hubby reads my blog occasionally, but won't even admit that I can write (hmmm... maybe he has a point?)

Funny Farmer said you were a riot and to check you out - glad I did!

I am LoW said...

Oh.... you already have a bbff, huh? Just as I was going to ask you if when you get as big as Pioneer Woman, if I could be your Hyacinth. Or Ryan.....

Lu Ann Brobst Staheli said...

Very interesting! I run the Osmond Family blog and blogs for both Nathan and Amy Osmond, and I'm here to tell you, we average around 7,000 hits per week in the combined totals. Have your number spiked that high yet? Good luck with your experiment!
strengtheningfamilies.blogspot.com
nathanosmond.blogspot.com
amyosmond.blogspot.com

Nobody You Know said...

Hey, check you out getting the Osmond blogger to find you. Guess it does work after all.

Jen said...

I just had to read this whole saga - totally cracked me up. My husband would never read my blog, but if I thought he was going to I would totally fix my followers and change my font.

I mean, who wants to look fat when their husbands around, right?

Lisa (Funny Farmer) said...

Dude you are cracking me up - you didn't take ANYBODY off your followers. Bwhahahahahah!

Self-deception: it's like a comfy old pair of gym shoes. Ugly and smelly to everyone but the wearer.

(And yes, you are still pathetic. How did I forget to mention that in my review? Must. Edit. Now.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

No, Lisa. I did! I did! I'm not deceiving myself. I promise. I took off extended family blog and my husbands extended family blog, (cause who cares about them.)

hee hee kidding folks. I just figured they need deserve a little agency.

*MARY* said...

Why, this post isn't about the Osmonds at all!!!

Wendyburd1 said...

What the?!! Here I thought I was gonna read some juicy Donnie gossip...NOT! I might try that idea though...maybe THAT'S Kristina's secret!!

Jami said...

So... I embedded a bizillion Osmond names in white at the bottom of my newest post. Just for kicks. I'll keep you posted. :)