Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Creative Writing Teacher Found Me!

He said he googled CWT of CTD and found his name on my blog. (Does that sound suspicious to anyone else?) You'd think he'd wait for an email invite w/a link. 

I'm just sayin.

But anyway, he said he likes my blog okay, and that he would have commented, but he's still a pen and paper kind-a-guy who has trouble expressing himself unless using red ink, plus he's a former BYU football player so . . . bottom line, he couldn't figure it out.

And, surprise surprise, he had a few corrections for me. (kill-joy!)

If I may:

Dummy, (name has been changed to protect my identity) 

Thanks for letting me know about your blog. (I thought he said he googled me!) Some corrections: Stephenie Meyer, a BYU Provo graduate in English, is married, with 3 kids. She also has a Church calling. (I bet she's sassy though). 

Second, I am sure I never made such outlandish comments about Mormons and great writers. I mean never. Right now we’re loaded with great LDS writers in addition to Scott (They're on a middle name basis) Card (Shannon Hale—active LDS, married and a mother---winner of a Newbery Honor; Martine Leavitt---active LDS, married and a mother---a National Book Award finalist; Jessica Day George, active, married, kids, and a recent baby this month, with a multiple book contract and a handful of hot fantasy novels out; Brandon Sanderson, one of the hottest fantasy authors around right now---active LDS, married, and so on). (yada yada yada.  Is this supposed to make me feel better?)

So knowing how prescient (Who uses that word?) I am and always have been, there’s no way I could have made a statement back in 1991 that said there never would be any truly great Mormon writers. (Well, that' NOT what he said in 1992).

Of course, if I did say something to that effect, there’s a good chance I had no idea what I was talking about. (At least he's keepin it real!) I guess it’d be better to say that active LDS authors have more challenges, demands, and limitations placed on them than do other folks, so those Mormon writers who do make it big deserve our admiration and attention.

He also said I shouldn't let my blogging get in the way of my writing, which means quit-your-lying-young-lady!  (Uh, they don't call it creative writing for nothin, teach!) He also wonders why I still insist on using non-descript titles like Untitled.  Unbeknownst to him I was performing an experiment to see if my fans like me for me or if they're just using me for my obsessions with dirty rotten Mormons who can't write and . . . pearly white Mormons who can sing  (If he had only asked I would have told him that I still got 7,000 hits with an untitled title, so there!)

But worst. part. of. all. . . . he said I've put on a few lbs since college and that this font isn't one bit flattering.

On the upside, after my husband found me crying in the bathroom, he offered to spring for a blog make-over! I'm so excited. Shauna's doing it. Any suggestions from my fans? Glam? Retro? Post-modern? Techno? Post-Techno? Post-Modern-Techno? 

I hope my CTW doesn't figure out how to comment.

(Hey guess what . . . I think Sarah Palin might be reading my blog because I got a hit from Wasilla Alaska yesterday.  Please please don't come out of the closet if you're not Sarah Palin. Especially if your name is Pat.)

Anyway, this little unexpected encounter with my creative writing teacher is not going to break my stride. And I still hold him completely responsible for my bad habit of lying (plus a lot of my other bad habits) And I'm not going to stop spilling my guts about him either.  
Starting tomorrow . . . cause right now I need some flaming hot crunchy Cheetos and a Pina Colada Jamba Juice. 

(Hey, does anyone want to go to Abargios with me?)


Wendyburd1 said...

Oh geez, if my creative writing teacher found me I'd die...of laughter! He was my fave English teacher in college, but he looked like Hitler and loved to swear. And he hated my poetry so I wrote one titled Jerk and handed it in...he never gave it a grade just a check...hmmmm

wesley's mom said...

I live in constant fear/hope of the wrong people stumbling upon my blog. For example, if say my in-laws googled annoying and in-laws, they could TOTALLY find me.

It would be a tragedy/awakening.

Emily Anne Leyland said...

I wish I had a creative writing teacher...(rolling eyes)

Kristina P. said...

My creative writing teacher is the Blogger spell check button. It's working out well.

Becky said...

"...he said I've put on a few lbs since college and that this font isn't one bit flattering."

What the...? You oughta slap a restraining order on that guy!

I am LoW said...

There is a Brenda.... Novak? That's an LDS Mom writer too. :)

He's lying about the font, every font I've ever seen you in- you look great. It's like YOU wear the font, it doesn't wear you. Ya know? :)

Hey- I got a visit from Wasilla too!

I am LoW said...

Oh... meant to say, and Brenda writes for Harlequin!

(never read her, just met her via the internet)

*MARY* said...

How does a crash test dummy put on weight? Come to think of it how does a crash test dummy blog?!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wendy, I can't imagine anyone hating your poetry. Your blog is so funny. And lucky me, my CWT did not look like Hitler and never cursed and I got an A on my poem entitled Jerk, except it was titled Untitled Jerk.

Wesley's Mom, ha ha ha you're in-laws would TOTALLY find my blog too. ha ha

Becky, there is a restraining order--I have to stay 5,000 miles and the largest ocean away from him. (And thanks for staying in the closet!! You're so respectful.)

Lorinda, lorinda, you always make me feel like a million bucks. LOVE YOU, girl. (But I'm still getting a blog make-over.)

Pat said...

Well I can't wait to see the make over, not that I think you need it. I myself am resistant to change.

And I never had a creative writing teacher either. I feel slightly left out, but then I don't have to worry about he/she coming forward.

I have no doubt that it was Sarah Palin. And how do you know about this. I have got to get with the times and figure this stuff out. And if you are reading this, don't come forward because you will have regret afterwards that you rained on another person's parade. If I had a time machine I would go back in time and wait at least a day. But alas my time machine is broken.

Be sure to check my blog tomorrow, I have something special planned just for you crash. he he he (the anticipation is killing me.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oooh, the anticipation is killing me too. And to be real, Pat, I'm glad you came out of the closet. You scared me at first with that creepy anonymous photo and then the Donny and Marie invite, but now I see how cute and harmless you are.

I do have to break it to you that I can only be bbff's with you and NEVER BBFF. I'm sorry. But my BBFF heart belongs to Lisa (and she packs a mean punch).

Pat said...

I think I can live with that. Fair is fair, after all she found you first, and yes I have no doubt she could take me.

Debbie said...

He's prescient? What ever does that mean? And do you speak about it in public? Seems like a little TMI to me.
I need to go see if Sarah is reading my blog. Pat too.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

lol...WOW, you're an incredible writer...I love when I find myself REALLY LOL...

So I'm glad we are twinners...since you saw yourself on my Header! And you can keep the bank card if you'd like...although, I don't know how much is left on it...I kinda used it before I posted it on my blog...I'm one of those RE-GIFTER's that everyone secretly hates! Maybe not secretly!

I was in Hawaii in July and I probably totally saw you...we were the people on the beach...the NORTH shore that were playing in the ocea when everyone else was staying away because the Portuguese Man O War's were being blown in from the wind...Yea, that sucked...but I probably saw you at the temple, or Costco or somewhere...I'm sure! :)

Okay this comment is long enough...and I could go on...OH and thanks for giving me that PHOTOGRAPHY I have a new favorite! :)

The Old CTW said...

OK, so I don't know how to leave comments---I mean, where's the pen and pencil and paper?

As I was saying before I had to log in without a login name, I have been maligned, mocked, and misquoted by CrashTestDummy. And is this how gratitude works in the blogoshphere? I mean, when CrashTestDummy enrolled in my CW class back in 1980, she couldn't even put one finger in front of the other, hold a pencil, or address a keyboard. And now look at her, blogging her brains out. Who, I ask you, should get the credit for that? The CTD or the CTW? Obviously, the CTW.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I loved your commentary as you quoted the email! haha

Also, love the comment above me.

T said...

I'm e-mailing a link to your post off to my sister right now... this all is sounding awfully familiar from our years of rooming together at BYU... she might be able to back you up on what he said back in 1992 :)

I am personally glad that the only teacher I know who can locate my blog is my old choir teacher - and since I'm not posting me doing any solos - there's no room to complain!

and since I'm commenting until the cows come home anyway... kudos to Becky there for not mentioning her hometown to you :)