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Monday, January 19, 2009

Some People Never Grow Up!

That's what my husband said when I told him we were sharing first kiss stories.

I said, THANK GOODNESS! (then poked him in the eye).

I know it would be more mature to blog about the first black president taking office tomorrow, but I'd rather be sharing TMI with you guys.

Is that so wrong?


That's why I am officially deeming this week SPNGU (Some People Never Grow Up) week!

(Which is code for, let's be like Stupid Smart girl and clean out our closets--love that anaology--right here in FRONT of each other. )

Seriously, how can we have a road trip without TMI? It's part of the initiation into the shaka sistah-hood.

There were so many fun first kiss stories in my comment box yesterday. If you didn't share yours, FEEL FREE to drop it off tonight.

OR . . . post it on your own blog and drop the link in my comment box. I will link to it on my blog and then we will all come over to your place and laugh ourselves silly before we shake our heads and say, Some people never grow up!

Here's our first link from Lo, our lovely Southern Belle.

Click here to read about how a super hot French guy tried to kiss her and then told her to meet him in Paris.

And here's the photographic evidence:




Unfortunately Lo did not take the opportunity granted her to kiss and then meet this French dude in Paris, much to her ma's chagrin.

Sooooo, LO, THIS is your LUCKY Road trip! After we pick up Blogging Mama in Germany we will be making a stop in France to find your French dude.

The universe has spoken!

And then Alyson from New England comes forth with a story about her own smoldering French dude. It was much hotter then Lo's story as she had to use Kung Fun on her French dude to keep his wandering hands at bay.

More photographic evidence coming your way:


Ooh-la-la! Can someone say _ _ _ _ _ _ tension!

Upon careful examination of the two photographs you will clearly see that both Alyson and Lo shared the SAME smokin' hot French dude!

The double-crossin' French!

So, then Sandi tries to get in on the action with a boring story about a boring guy named Tony who kissed her at a gas station in broad daylight.

GONG!

But Anjeny thought it was the funniest story in the history of the world.

GONG!

Then April jumps in and tries to top French dude with a Latino dude, because everyone knows Latino dudes are more rico and more suave than two-timing French dudes.

Photographic evidence STAT:


Okay, this is Latino dude 34 years later. Imagine him with hair and acne and that's what he looked like when he was rico and suave. (He's still PRETTY DARN rico and suave, even without the acne.)

Okay, so who wants to see MY first kiss? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Okay, everyone gather around. Close your eyes until I say open.

Ready?


Okay . . . OPEN!

This is Brigham. And me. Way after we had fallen out of TLA.

This photo was taken after his mission. He asked me out one last time while my now-husband was on his mission, but I was truly/madly/deeply in love with my now-husband so it didn't go anywhere.

Brigham was my best friend's brother and part of our neighborhood brat pack when I was 13 years old. He was two years older and ten inches taller than me.

One night he snuck in my bedroom window.

Imagine me laid out casket-style with the covers pulled up to my neck, stiff as a board and goody goody as a gum drop.

"I've come to kiss you like no one has kissed you before," he declared.

"No one HAS kissed me before," I said.

"The better to kiss you like no one has kissed you before my dear."

(Okay I made all of that up for dramatic effect. I don't remember what he said. I just remember what I said.)

"You'll have to wait until I'm 16!"

That's what I said.

A few months later he moved to Weiser, Idaho. Before he left he pulled me aside and said, "I'm going to kiss you now like no one has ever kissed you before." (I don't remember if he said this either.)

"You'll have to wait until I'm 16!"

That's what I said.

A few months later my brothers and I made a trip to Weiser, Idaho to spend Thanksgiving. We went to a dance and I fell in love with Brigham to Christopher Cross' Sailing. It was my first slow dance. (Just added it to the BAA soundtrack.)

Before I left he pulled me aside and said, "NOW can I kiss you like no one's ever kissed you before?" (I know he did say NOW but I filled in the rest).

"I TOLD YOU, you'll have to wait until I'm 16!"

That's what I said. (I was annoying like that.)

Then he started writing me letters that said, I love you, I love you, I love you.

And he sent a photo that said, "You're a sweet, good lookin girl who I'll never forget."

(That was a lie, of course, he forgot about me years ago. But I fell for it GOOD AND HARD.)



Even though he turned out to be a player and made me miserable with love, I loved him with all the fourteen-year-old-fierceness I could muster.



Okay, now for the kissing part, which is why you're here, right?




Brigham and his sister came to P.R.O.V.O. for New Years Eve. He read my palm and then held my hand. He was sneaky that way.

Then he looked in my eyes--I looked away, of course, because I couldn't handle intimacy until I was thirty somethin--and while I was looking away he leaned in and kissed me with a grin.



Here's what I said about it in my journal:

It was a short kiss. I can't remember it too good. I think I missed his mouth. I'm not sure. I don't even know if he thinks I'm a good kisser.

(As you can see I've always been very articulate and poetic in love.)



Sadly, I was totally over him by Valentines Day.



And that was that.



Now for the TMI part



I also said this in my journal:



Maybe we ought to get engaged and then if we're still in love in ten years, we'll get married. Ten years ain't that long.



It's true. I actually wrote the word ain't and I wasn't joking.



And guess what else? Not only did I say the words neat and special far too frequently, I also said the word Pooh a lot!



Serves me right, I suppose, for publicaly judging my daughter for saying it.



P.S. Hey we have our official photographers for the Road Trip! New England Aly will hang out the van window and capture America as we jog by, and SHELLE @ Plush Moments will capture all of you jogging and cycling in your little shorts. She'll also do all the road trip choreography. She's cool as helk that way! And a tamn good photographer. I'll give everyone who follows her photog blog a hymn book. (Don't think I won't check.)

238 comments:

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Nutty Hamster Chick said...

OK hopefully you are writing a comment, and then this will be number 200, or it could be you, I am a giver that way. I don't need the limelight. cough cough. ahem.

hippos in pink tutus are funny. just saying.

Kritta22 said...

Well it fits your profile name, Nutty hamster chick.

I'm going to have to go read yoru blog now.

Don't apologize for your picture. It's what you chose, silly girl!! Love it!

Kritta22 said...

Hey look at that! I don't have to scroll all the way down!! I heart blogger!

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Missed it by that much.

But if it couldn't be me, I am glad it was you.

Shelle is going to be mad/sad when she sees what a party she missed.

OK good night everyone.

TTFN

Cheerio

J. Baxter said...

Dude! I was going to be #200, but before I could scroll ALL THE WAY to the bottom and hit "Post Comment" TWO people commented.

Don't any of you own clocks? Anyhow, I just wrote part one of my First Kiss. Apparently I need to turn it into a novel. Who knew? If you're interested, you know where to find me...

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

ps, who knew that if you get more than 200 comments, it goes to a new page. Not me.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Thanks a lot Jen, now I have one more thing to read before I go to sleep. Heading over to your place.

Race you Kritta.

Anjeny said...

LOL Pat. I was listening/reading intently to your first kiss. I even ignored the call of nature and you didn't even touch a tad bit of ur first kiss story.

**shakes head**

JK...I just stop by to hear Kritta talk to herself and watch Crash running around in cirles multi tasking...it's a good thing it's almost midnite here cuz if I pass out from dizziness from watching the dummy, no one would think something is wrong with me...LOL.

Aww Martha, you should have socked him in the mouth.

Anjeny said...

Oh wow Crash, you've got so much comments, 208 of them, that your comment box literally had to split itself in half, poor thing. LOL

Kritta22 said...

Totally beat you.

Kritta22 said...

I even commented and then commented back over here!

not that I'm competitive or anything!!

Except I totally am.

Nutty Hamster Chick said...

Props to you girl. I am not a sore loser.

Kritta22 said...

You are sooo fun, Pat!

I'm going off to other blogland! I gotta go to bed soon!

Chat at you later!

Thanks for the heart to heart tonight.

Kritta22 said...

Commenting again as to not leave on an odd number!

LY crash!

I am LoW said...

HOLEY 214 COMMENTS! I haven't looked yet, but I have a feeling there was a party going on here!! :-D

LOVE the post.... LOVE the stroy... LOVE that you insisted he wait 'til you were 16!! Such high standards!! :-)

Now I must read comments.....

Stephen said...

That Brigham was a player..
I remember seeing him making out with Michelle? in provo park on the grass. Did you tell everyone he had 17 brothers and sisters.

Alyson | New England Living said...

The party continued without me last night! Coolness!

As far as Shelle's picture goes, Crash, I don't think it would be big hair '80s. The picture of me is from the '90s. I went to high school in the '90s and I think Shelle is at least a couple years younger than me. So, her teen pics would be from the '90s as well.

Barbaloot said...

Wow-the stuff that goes on in the Western US when the rest of us go to sleep. Kritta and NHC are like their own bucket emptying club.
Just wanted anyone who was interested to know-I didn't have nightmares about The Ring, despite Aly's best (worst?) intentions.

Barbaloot said...

Oh and Crash---maybe one day I'll let you see a picture of me in my red sexy heels. Don't expect me to bring them on the blog-across-America extravaganza, though.

I am LoW said...

I love Brigham's Elvis lip thing he's got going on! ;-)

Really, are we going to find Gael?! I planned to run along side the bus but.... I don't want to be all sweaty if we are going to find Gael. Should I tell my husband? Do you think he'll still be willing to have me go? Do I need to go buy a new dress?

Is there a "what happens on the yellow submarine stays on the yellow submarine" policy?

I mean.... just wonderin'...

WV: inthewayg- does that mean "in the way Gary"???

OH NO!!

:-D

TisforTonya said...

and to think I slept last night instead of chatting with you gals... what was I thinking?

My dreams were not nearly as entertaining as the health updates and jokes...

The NCMO stories - yeah, well let's just not go there... THOSE are the guys to avoid on facebook :)

Alyson | New England Living said...

Barb - Glad you didn't have nightmares, but guess what! I did!! It wasn't about "The Ring", but it's not normal for me to have nightmares and this one was a doozie. Do you happen to dabble in the dark arts? 'Cause it seems like quite the coincidence...

Or maybe it was just karma working it's magic.

No matter, if it was the dark magic or karma at play, lessoned learned.

wv: "neddl" because I was neddling Barb when I shouldn't have.

Barbaloot said...

Aly-I was feeling vaguely vindicated for about a second, and then I felt bad you had nightmares. I guess dark arts aren't worth it...I'll stay away from now on.

And clearly you did not sing hymns or JJ to yourself as you fell asleep.

robin said...

Hey I'm back to the land of the living....almost...

Let's see... my first kiss. If you can believe it I was 17. Actually that's not surprising. Have you seen my post on my perms during my teenage years?? Plus I had a retainer for most of teenage years too...no helper for a social life. Anyhoo. My first kiss drama centered around an LDS Youth Leadership conference where I was bemoaning an unfulfilled romance with a boy back in my high school. Not a member of the church I had liked him for years and I knew he liked me but because he was not a member I wouldn't "go out" with him (be his girlfriend). It was a strict standard in our house that I kept to even though it was really hard because I really liked him. So I was at this dance at the conference and everytime a slow song came on I got more and more depressed thinking about him. Well a brother of one of my friend's noticed this and he asked me what it was about and I told him so he started paying attention to me during this dance. He was really sweet. (and really cute). When the last slow song came on I left the dance I was just so sad and Jeff followed me out and asked what was wrong and I told him I was thinking about Andrew. yada yada yada fickle teenage emotions the next thing I know Jeff moves in my heart starts racing and he kisses me. Who is Andrew???? so we spend every waking moment together that weekend at Youth Conference and by the end of the weekend I'm now in tears that I have to leave Jeff. Stupid teenage years. I cry the whole 2 hour drive home. And then the next time I see him at Youth Leadership a couple of months later it's like I don't exist and he makes the moves on one of my room mates. Come to find out he had kissed two OTHER girls that same weekend. They also thought he liked them. What a player!!! Supposedly he went to Los Angeles to break into acting but I've never seen him in anything. As far as I'm concerned he played his part really well. He had me fooled!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay guys, here is my morning:


Woke up at 5:00 a.m. freezing cold. Too cold to go down stairs and leave the snuggly confines of my bed. (WE HAVE NOT HEATERS IN HAWAII, people!)

My daughter climbed in bed with us and we snuggled while we watched the inauguration. Then I straightened her hair in bed and then my husband gave her a father's blessing because she asked for it.

And then my husband started giving her all sorts of animated advice about her soccer game to night. (first game of the playoffs).

My eyes glazed over so I grabbed my lap top to check my comment box.

I'm reading Pat and Kritta talk at 2:00am about trying to get me to my 200th comment. Then Pat breaks out into 99 bottles of milk on the wall and Kritta's talking about deleted comment paranoia and then Pat starts talking about Pete and Repeat and busts out a knock knock joke.

By this time I'm ROTFLOL with tears rolling down my cheeks and my husband keeps interupting himself speak to ask me if I'm laughing at him and I have to keep telling him that I'm not laughing at him, but he doesn't believe me because every time he opens his mouth I read something funny and burst into tears and deep belly snickers/sniggers.

So now he's paranoid about his motivational speeches when really I was just busting a gut in my purple tie dyed van down by the river. How ironical.

Ah, you guys crack me up. All of you.


Thanks for the laugh.

robin said...

by the way "the Ring" will forever freak me out but I watched another movie that also gave me the creeps. And you know how when you turn something on and that little voice in your head says "you probably shouldn't watch this" but you ignore it and you watch it anyways and you get to the end and go why the crap didn't I listen to that wise old voice in my head??? what was I thinking??? that was no feel good movie. even though the whole time you are watching you are thinking I really want a happy ending. Such was "The Dark". An unhappy tale about a selfish couple who lose a teenage daughter only to find that at the time of their daughter's death a girl appears who had died 50 years prior. The mom finds out if she can return this girl to the dead she can get her daughter back... a life for a life. yada yada yada there's an evil preacher involved in the world beyond ... she jumps off a cliff into the water below with this girl to take her to that world and find her daughter rescuing her from the evil preacher. She finds her daughter and brings her back... or does she??? No one can see the mom and they close the door on her. She realized that although she brought her daughter back she herself died in the process ... a life for a life. Her sacrifice was worth it right??? or was it??? her spirit follows her daughter up to her room and watches her open a box that belonged to the girl that lived 50 years prior that no one could open ...duh duh duh... (ominous music) how does she know how to open it??? she reaches out to her daughter and she jumps back. Your daughter is not here she says. And then we know... the girl possessed the daughters body and came back again. The mother realizes her error and finds herself back in the evil preacher's world as he comes around the corner to get her.

I mean come on!!!! Who makes these creepy things!!! I couldn't sleep that night!!! Give me a rewrite of that movie please!!! Never tell me a mother's sacrifice is worth nothing! You KNOW a man wrote that script!!!!

Sher said...

I LOVE first kiss stories!! I dont remember much about mine, but I remember who it was.
In fact, my hubby and I went on a double date with him once.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

YOu have totally hit Pioneer Woman status with 227 comments!!! Crash we need to throw a party for you...I'll bring the DEW and you show up!!!

I knew that if I pestered you A LOT that you would finally give me the LINKY LOVE I deserve! lol!

I LOVED your first kiss story...I'm totally going to write about mine...and give you the link...but mine first kiss was a MAKE OUT also...so should I entitle it..."First Make out"?

I said ain't when I was 13 and 14 because it was cool to be illiterate...I've since changed my mind and there ain't nothin' you can do about it Tamn IT!!!

Alyson's Frenchie SMOKED and that is why she had to fight his wandering hands off...so I think if he DIDN't Smoke...she might have let the hands and tongue wander? Just thinking a loud!

I just want you to know...I am copying you and greeting everyone by saying "Aloha" but since I don't live in Hawaii, I'm going to say it Helloha...because it was one of my UNWORDS...thought it totally fitting if I do say so myself!

Love ya Crash and everyone else!

MakingChanges said...

For the love of sin- 228comments already. You are never going to get down to my comment. I could write anything I wanted here and it wouldn't matter because no one is going to keep scrolling down to the bottom. I could say that my first kiss was over the alter at the temple on my wedding day (but I would be lying). I could say I was a lip hussy and can't even count how many guys I kissed (that would be a lie, too). But, if you want to read the real story check out my blog. I think this is a great post for today because I am feeling a little down and funny memories will help lift my spirit.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, first, ROBIN, you know how when you have that voice in your head that says DON'T watch this movie because it will give you the creeps . . . DOES that same voice ever say DON'T Repeat this movie plotline in Crash's comment box becaue it will give her the creeps too?

Do the creeps love company as much as misery does?

Shelle, NO NO NO, girlfriend. No you don't. Don't even compare me to the pioneer woman. 230 comments from 12 people doesn't constitute PW status.

Nice try, though. You can't envy me yet, or stalk me. hee hee But I lol'd over your whole comment. So funny you are. Can't wait for the link.

Oooooh, Sher is PRETTY! Welcome, to Crash-n-Friends, lovely one.

Youngblood--I've always wanted to know that too. But guess what! YOu do read every comment. You just want to make sure your commenters are not lip hussies. I will go check out your story and post your link.

April said...

Crash....I think it's the drugs Robin is on...she's rambling. hehehe

Youngblood your first kiss was sooooo cute! But like I said...that sealed the fate for a hot tub at our house. At least until I have my 17 year old on a mission!!!

Mariko said...

HOLY CRAPISTA!
I cannot read 230 comments. Really, I cannot. Especially because I'm at work. Technically, no students right now, but I'm still ashamed. I'll have to read them later.
Arrrrrrrgh. I do want to hear all about the first kiss stories, but I can't post about my own on my blog because then my husband will be jealous. Hopefully he won't find me here.
I agree that latinos are way hotter than French dudes. What with their sweaters and all.
I was in love with Jesus Gonzales for like 2 years, and he dated 2 of my friends even though he followed me around like a puppy dog, and then he tricked me into wanting to kiss him by saying he was going to move back to Mexico. Turned out he just moved to the town over, but not before he kissed me on the main road through our town and I was FREAKED out the whole time because I was sure my parents were going to drive by and see us (because I did not wait until I was 16), but I still did it anyway. And apparently a bunch of my hair was in the way because every single time I talked to him after that he brought up that fact. I thought about that kiss so many times over the next week, I was basically addicted to kissing after that. Not so good.
Oh, and your lovely daughter worked "poo" into her skit today. What a cutie.

April said...

Ummm....are you saying that some of us comment too much Crash? Are you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Mariko said...

AH! Too many comments to comment on. I love love the pictures too, April! And I love what you said to your husband. I could definitely use that line. I may have to steal it.
Um, and Crash. That is a crazy sad story. I've been told (by one of your blogstalkers) that it's better to ignore the sad parts of the story. Not wait until the comment box.
Hee hee. Just kidding. I'm just trying to force her out of hiding.
Kristina, 6 year old kisses only count if it's with tongue. And it better not be, 'cause that's GROSS. :0
Val, I agree that nonkiss stories are very memorable. I definitely felt all tingly and crazy about my first hand holding (yep, that was AFTER my first kiss story). And I have a couple of should've kissed 'em stories (but don't worry 'cause I wouldn't now).

The Crash Test Dummy said...

APRIL, I would NEVER say that! Chatroom away!

And YAY! Mariko is back! I've missed you. I knew you would have some funny stories and you did.

And you and my blog stalker are right, whomever she may be with her tender ear and heart, sometimes it's better to ignore the sad parts. I shouldn't have told that sad part in my comment box. It kinda ruined that almost-happily-ever-after-story.

My apologies tender hearted blog stalker whomever you may be.

nevadanista said...

Oh my helk! My name in lights!!! Thanks for featuring me :) I'm so honored!!!!!

in time out said...

love this post. thanks for sharing, and inspiring. i love the crash test dummies...always telling people to read read read....i have three awards of which i think you should have. come get one, two, or all three. stacie

Tiffany said...

So Crash. I was looking at that pic of you and Brigham and you look familiar, email me soon.

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